QMusings

“A girl with good looks is like a guy with money.”

So sayeth my mom.

“Beauty is like social currency, the more you have, and the more popular you are.”

My mom was quite the hottie in her day.  She’s still pretty cute but when she was younger?

Dang.

My mom is like most attractive women - she feels her worth it tied to her looks: the prettier you are, the more you are worth.

Beauty fades.

My mom is struggling with aging.

But it’s more than the aches and pains that she struggles with, it’s her feeling that she’s no longer attractive.

Aging ain’t pretty: the body slows down, the skin sags, and parts start to break down.

When beauty is your currency, you’re going to run out of cash.

Mom feels poor and there’s nothing I can do to make her feel rich.

She thrusts out her arms, showing me the back of her hands. Her hands are slender and traced with pale green veins, the fingers slightly bent from arthritis.

“Look at this! All dried up!” she tells me.

“I’m no longer juicy, ” she says, pointing to the delicate bones in her hand.

“Young folks are juicy. When you’re young you’re a grape. When you’re old, you’re a raisin.”

According to mom, it’s better to be juicy; life is good as a grape.

My mom is creative and funny and observant and oddly wise.

She drives me nuts and I love her.

Beauty comes at a cost and yet we all want to pay the price.

I admit - it’s easier to be rich than it is to be poor.

At 44, I’m not as juicy as I used to be.

I don’t want to be poor and I struggle with my loss of social currency.

But I also realize it’s only money.

If beauty if only skin deep, then loving yourself seems the better investment.

Loving yourself goes down to the soul.

What better way to be rich?

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How little free time I have these days - time when I’m free to do anything or nothing.

Which isn’t to say I’m not having any fun, that I’m not kicking back occasionally, it’s just that there is always something that I have to do.

We all seem to have this mental “To Do” list that never goes away.

There’s the Do Right Now List: fill up the gas tank, pack lunch for the kids, Yikes! Rent’s due!

Then there’s the Get To It Soon List: Change the oil, return a phone call, make a dentist’s appointment and mow the lawn.

There’s the Should Do This List: Write a will, plan for retirement, exercise, eat more vegetables, spend more time with the family, remove the clutter, and recycle.

The Nobody But Us Thinks We Should Do This List: Catalog Grandpa’s 38 years of newspaper clippings, return the library book that somehow was packed up when you moved out of state 3 years ago, restore your deceased aunt’s 1971 Pinto to its former glory.

The Why Is This Always On the List of Things To Do List: Taxes, organize the closet, clean the refrigerator.

There always seems to be something that we have to do. If we don’t have to do it now, we have to do it soon.

The thing with soon is that sooner or later, it becomes Now.

I hear so many people say that they need more time to “catch up.”

Why do so many of us feel slightly guilty or lazy for enjoying some Free Time?

Why do so many of us feel we have To Do something with our time?

Free Time is Free to do anything time - it’s all open, unplanned, I could do 15 things or nothing at all.

I could use a little more Free Time.

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Have you ever said, “I don’t like her, but I respect her.”

What is respect?

We’ve heard Rodney Dangerfield’s complaint that he gets none.

We’ve heard Aretha Franklin ask for some.

There are so many types of respect.

I feel that the most basic form is that of, “I honor your being.”

This concept is captured in namaste.

In yoga, namaste is said to mean, “The light within me honors the light within you,”

Respect can be based on hierarchy - who’s higher on the food chain, the Alpha Dog, The Big Boss, the one who has power.

That feels less like respect and more like fear.

I thought about respect because I heard a story. This story was about someone high up in his corporate food chain.

Let’s call him a Big Boss.

People lower on the food chain had been working on a Big Deal.

The Big Deal was nearing an important deadline. As the deadline loomed, all the Minnows and Mice realized that they needed some help. The Big Deal looked like it might fall through.  They asked for an extension but were too small to be heard.

They needed someone Bigger. Someone who got more respect.

The Minnows and the Mice call upon the Big Boss.

When the Big Boss heard their plea, he was not happy.

He said, “This is a Big Deal! WE are a Big Deal! WE are a BIG customer!”

The Mice and the Minnows watched as the Big Boss swelled even bigger as he used his Big Voice to make threats.

“How dare this other company tell us no? How dare they tell us that they won’t extend the deadline?”

The Minnows and Mice were surprised. They had a good relationship with the Squirrels and Sparrows from the other company. All they wanted was for the Big Boss to have a chat with the other Big Boss.

As the Big Boss grumbled and rumbled, the Minnows and Mice worked frantically, calling for help from a Blackbird and a Newt.

The Big Boss continued to swell and roar.

The Big Boss was also a New Boss. Unfortunately, New Bosses have a tendency to swell.

With the help of the Blackbird and Newt, the Minnows and Mice were able to meet the deadline.

All the small woodland creatures were happy!

Minnows, Mice, Sparrows and Squirrels…happy-happy-happy!

The Big Boss was swollen with ire.

He demanded that the Squirrels and Sparrows respect his Bigness.

The squirrels and Sparrows bowed low to the Big Boss since that is what he demanded.

The Mice and Minnows watched and felt sad.

They felt sad because they learned that their Big Boss was small inside.

Yeah, we all just want a little respect.

Just a little bit, just a little bit.

When you meet someone, remember their light.
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