QMusings

Women, you are missing out on a lot of dates.

My exhaustive* research has shown that 68% (with +/- 3.142857 % margin of error) of men would have said yes to a date with a particular woman if only she had asked.

Women: So what does this have to do with me?

My research began with a glass of red wine. All good research projects should begin thusly. I have a lot of research projects.

Anyway, I began this project after hearing several men tell me how they would bump into a woman they knew in school or who lived in their former apartment complex or they’d see every morning at [ubiquitous coffee shop] in their hometown. They’d exchange the usual, “Whoa, funny meeting you here” blah-dee-blahs and then the woman would say, “Oh, I had SUCH A CRUSH on you back then, but you never asked me out.”

These men had no clue that these women were in any way interested in them.

Women: How could they not know, I mean, like, I’d “just happen” to run out of toothpaste every Friday night and needed to borrow some?

Men: We thought you were whacko. Cute, but whacko. I mean, toothpaste?

Now, the men would have gone out with these women if these women had asked them out.

The men had various reasons for not asking them out:

-the whole toothpaste thing was weird.
-the woman was “out of their league”, so didn’t even bother to consider asking them out
-shyness
-too busy
-life was a black sucking hole of despair at the time

Why weren’t these women asking these men out? How could they feel comfortable telling the men of their former infatuation? The key here is FORMER. They could tell these men of their interest because they didn’t care. It no longer mattered…they are no longer attached.

How about we take that same “it doesn’t matter/detached” feeling and use it NOW?

Women: Whaddya mean by THAT?

Release your attachment to the outcome. If you ask a man out and it doesn’t matter if he says yes or no, then you are detached. You are also not giving out desperate, stressed out vibes. Letting go of attachment is often advised as a step towards spiritual happiness.

Women: Whatever. Just tell me more about how to get a date.

You ask a guy out. Repeat until one says yes.

Women: Aaargghh. Easy for you to say!

Before I became the inimitable Ms. Q, I went through high school with no dates and a bad perm. YET I managed to get a date to my senior prom. The very short story:

He was cute.
I had a crush on him.
I had no idea if he liked me.
I hinted around a lot.
Nothing.
He was a senior in college.
I asked him to my prom.
He said YES.

Here’s what I did to get myself to ask him to my prom: I asked myself “Would it matter to me 10 years from now?”

Essentially, I was doing my own method of detaching from the outcome. I figured that if he said no, in 10 years it wouldn’t matter. But if he said YES, my present would be very good and potentially, my future.

How To Seize The Date:

1. Detach yourself from the outcome. Will his answer be important 10 years from now? Heck, next week?
2. Be positive. “I’d like to have dinner with you.” NOT “You’re probably too busy, but I thought it’d be great if you’d have dinner with me…”
3. Believe in yourself.

Remember that a no is not a rejection of you as a person, it does not define or change you.

Ten years from now you may have forgotten the guy, but you’ll always remember that you had the courage to ask him out.

So change yourself and ask the guy out.

You won’t regret it.

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* OK. So I asked maybe 17 or so of my male friends, some co-workers and a few cute guys I wanted an excuse to speak with. It was pretty exhausting. Except with the cute guys. Not that my male friends and co-workers aren’t cute.

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