QMusings

I was telling someone how excited I was about writing my blog and my hopes to learn more about blogging software and programming.

He asked, So…what are you going to do with it?

I replied that I’d like to develop and enhance my blogsite and maybe do some website development. If I got really good at it, maybe I might make a few bucks with my new skills. At the outermost edge of my imagination was the thought that maybe I could make a living writing.

But besides these possible applications, what struck me was how excited I was about something. I hadn’t been excited about much of anything in a long time. His question made me think, Does it matter if there is a result?

Does something have to make money, have meaning, BE anything?

Does something have to have a point?

I was raised to be results-oriented. If I did anything for fun, well, then, I had better become good at it.

After a while, I stopped having fun.

I have always wanted to write, but have never felt compelled to. Most writers I’ve read about say that they must write. It’s not always easy, but they are compelled to. I wanted that. I wanted to be compelled.

Fear held me back.
Of failure.
Of ridicule.
Of letting go.

So…What am I going to do with it?

I have no idea.

I’m tired of things having to make sense. Making sense seems to be about living up to someone else’s standards.

What I do know is that I feel like I’m becoming who I was meant to be. I’m compelled to write and it feels so good.

The question is not what I am going to do with it, but why?

I think about how I would have answered as a child – before I was taught to compete, judge and acquire.

I would have answered, just because.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS