Oct 05 2006
Would You Like Fries With That?
As I was harkening back to the days of yore (misty water-colored memories…) I unearthed a vision of myself in dark brown scratchy polyester with chevrons of orange and yellow across the chest.
Think summer job.
Think hairnet.
Think matching visor.
Not getting it?
Think French Fries.
Think Fast Food.
Yes, the Inimitable Ms. Q has asked, Would you like fries with that?
And in keeping with my not-quite-in-step-with-everyone-else, I did not end up working for The Clown.
Clowns are scary.
What was scarier was the way I made fries. This is where you put your hands on your ears, close your eyes and say “LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA” really loudly because what I am about to tell you will be Too Much Information.
10-Step Fry-Making Recipe:
1) Transport 50 lb box of shortening to kitchen. Think of a giant Crisco cube.
2) Cut breadloaf-sized bricks from the cube, slowly adding them to the fryer until oil reaches appropriate level.
3) Open bag of Potato Pellets. Think Rice Crispies. Only smaller.
4) Pour pellets into the Potato Pumper.
5) Push Start button.
6) Wait a few minutes.
7) Potato Pumper extrudes French fry shaped solids. Think Play-Doh pumper machine.
Place extrusions in frying basket.
9) Submerge basket in hot oil (formerly the Crisco cube)
10) Set timer. When done, empty deep-fried extrusions into fry bin where they will cure under heat lamps.
Would you like fries with that?