Dec 15 2006
13 Values That Are Important In A Romantic Relationship
Andy from ThoughtfulConsideration made a comment on my blog, My Definition Of Love: “After defining love, it would also be interesting to honestly list the top 10 (or more) people/places/things we love. How often do we really put it in that kind of a format and make it the basis of our decisions.”
Making a list like this is an excellent suggestion. Lists help us to clarify our thoughts as well as make them concrete. I know that when I “think out loud” on paper, it forces me to focus – I have to examine something and make distinctions.
After you make your top 10 list as Andy suggests, think about why you love them. You’ll learn a bit more about yourself and perhaps them. We feel different kinds of love – love of place, familial love, love of country. But what about Romantic Love? What is important in a romantic relationship? What are you looking for?
Below are 13 values (in no particular order) that I find important in a romantic relationship.
- Mutual Communication
- Trust
- Respect
- Health
- Honesty
- Growth
- Support
- Attraction
- Spiritual Connection
- Freedom
- Acceptance
- Creativity
- Fun
In Anthony Robbins’ book, “Unlimited Power”, he has a similar list. He suggests you order them by importance and in doing so you learn what to look for in a partner. You should create your own list. I added Health because I take care of my body and would want a partner to have the same care. It would also give us a better chance of growing old together!
If you already have a partner, have them create and order their own list. Then compare. You can then see what is important to the both of you.
How would you go about ranking your values? Robbins suggests comparing them against one another. For example, I believe that being able to communicate with my partner is very important. I start out with that as #1 on my list. Then I think, well, okay, so we communicate well. But what does that mean? It doesn’t necessarily mean that I trust what he has to say. So I move Trust to #1.
Or you think that Acceptance is more important than Growth. Then ask yourself, “Can I grow if I always feel accepted?â€, “What does that mean to me?” Perhaps I want someone who accepts me, but in wanting me to grow, he has to point out what I need to work on.
I admit I haven’t gone through ordering my list of values – that is next on my list! I do feel that it’s an important exercise for me to do. I can then use it as a basis for forming relationships in the future.