Comments on: Have You Outgrown Your Parents?

By: Anne A K Cooper

Anne A K Cooper — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 21:23:53 +0000

First I’m astonished that since 2007 the last posting is May 2010 I have only stumbled upon this site this evening, but in my brief encounter I am willing to continue to write. I have never been able to say to myslef or to my parnets that ‘I love myself or that I love them’ My Dad has now passed away but my mum, I know would long for me to say to her ‘I Love her’ But love is not somthing I feel, therefore, am unable to express and certainly would not want to utter if not genuine. For I know love is powerful but it is not somthing I have experinced in its true form! or not enough of it to wimsically given away. What anger’s me about my life is that I don’t believe my partents knew anything about the posability of becoming somthing greater than their partents. And as my Dad was an Alcholic and my mun a depresive all thier lives they never even contemplated ‘Out growing their parents’. As for me, I don’t know where I am, out growing them is not a calculated option as neither of my partents have/had reach anywhere near their potencial. So as always I search on for some meaning in my life. Why the hell did I choose to experience this life?

By: lost2

lost2 — Mon, 03 May 2010 16:30:08 +0000

How in the world do you “outgrow” your parents?

I think the point that everyone these days is missing is that parents are not perfect..
some shouldn’t have been parents at all.. however.. they and they alone were responsible.. both emotionally and financially for their children. I bet if you talked to anyone’s parents and discussed their fears, their feelings of inadequacy, etc.. you would have another point of view..
I totally agree that only the very lucky will have a close relationship with their parents, and that we need to “grow up” enough to accept that parents aren’t/can’t be perfect.. then we can choose the degree of closeness we have with our parents, but to suggest that it’s ok to outgrow them and just move on.. in my humble opinion is part of the problem we have in the world today… there is no respect or appreciation. What if our parents just decided to “outgrow” their children and leave them on a doorstep somewhere? it just doesn’t make sense that we should even think of parents like “bad friends” and if their usefulness is over.. then just move on.

By: MsQ

MsQ — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 14:26:01 +0000

chesg:I love that “stop giving each other fishes!” If you’ve been raised with family-first-you-last it’s very difficult to let go – all those who depend on you will cling to you for dear life!

They’ll also use every trick in the book: guilt, manipulation, drama, and threats. It’s difficult to “grow up” but well worth it – I hope you have lots of supports from your friends and maybe even other family members as you live your own life.

By: chesg

chesg — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 05:32:11 +0000

I completely understand what you mean. I love my mom and I can’t even imagine not having her around my life, but the older I get, I realize that I need to really grow up and let go. I need to live my life, not for my mother but for me. It’s hard at times when you are close and grew up in a culture of family and dependency. But I believe that in order to better ourselves we all need to learn how to fish and stop giving each other fishes. I hope that makes sense?:)

By: MsQ

MsQ — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 13:37:24 +0000

HM: Its sounds like you have some hard-earned wisdom. I like your point that it takes courage to walk away. It’s not always fear that makes a person leave.