Some people may not feel comfortable sharing their pain but having friends gather around, stopping by, just spending time with them, that says a lot without saying a word.

Gary Lee: Yes! When we remember how we felt when someone called us when we needed them, it should make us realize that we should do the same for others.

I was talking to some friends and brothers and we all didn’t really know what to do. I think it’s true that people should just take the initiative to call themselves and help comfort the person. It seems like you’re intruding but you’re really helping out a lot.

If anything, your friend will know you care. Sometimes people do want to be alone but perhaps it’s because so many times they feel as if they have to “put on a happy face.” There’s something about having someone take the time to call, to their reaching out to you that can makes a difference.

Even if you can’t be there in person, you can be there. I once went through a very difficult breakup and I recall just having a friend listen on the phone – not saying a word as all I could do was weep.

Jake: You are so right! We often make a very passive offer to help which is no real help at all.

I advised my friend to mow her friend’s lawn, to buy groceries, to clean her kitchen, to vacuum the floor. Like you say, people are sometimes too devastated to be able to ask for help. And let’s face it, when we say, “Call me if you need anything,” we are often saying it more to make ourselves feel better than to truly offer assistance.