May 27 2007
Are You Afraid Of Hugs?
Can’t see the video? Click here.
How do you feel when you are hugged?
Do you sink into the hug and allow it, or do you pause briefly and then pull away?
I notice that I want to pull away – I want to be the one who “leaves first.”
What’s up with that?
Have you ever had someone hug you and your first reaction was to pull away? I’m not referring to someone who you don’t want to touch you because they are giving you “bad vibes” – I’m talking about someone you feel close to: Lover, family, spouse, friends.
I notice that I am better at giving hugs than at receiving them. Ouch! What was that?
Oh, Painful Realization.
Do you feel the same way as I do? Do you feel…a little afraid?
Have you ever received a hug when you really needed one and as you began to pull away, the person hugging you gently pulled you back and you allowed them to?
How did you feel when you fell back, let go, allowed the hug? Didn’t you feel safe, accepted and loved?
Are you like me – much better at loving than being loved? Are you much better at giving than receiving?
From “When Love Meets Fear – How To Become Defense-less and Resource-full” by David Richo:
“It is easy to hug; it is hard to be hugged. In a real hug, you do not just hug, you stay long enough to feel hugged. When you hug, you are in control of what happens: the tightness, the time, the position. But when you let yourself be hugged, you are letting the other person have some of the control and some of the power, another road to fearlessness.”
In a real hug, you stay long enough to feel hugged.
Let’s all have some real hugs.
Note: MrGaryLee tagged me a while ago asking what my favorite video was. I not only didn’t know how to include a video but I didn’t think I had a favorite. After I wrote this post, I realized that I had seen a video that would relate perfectly with this post. I had to install the Viper’s Video Quicktags to embed the YouTube video.
They say it’s always better to give than to receive. Most times they were talking about items or money. However, I am always one to treat emotions as objects.
Hugs are something I’m good at giving but having someone hug me was something of an oddity.
The first time I ever allowed myself to be hugged back lasted a good twenty minutes. After the first ten I didn’t want to let go.
I felt free, open, and cared for. I have to chalk that up to the best physical experience of my life (not involving sex or a good gym work out).
Urban Thought: It’s great to learn that a hug has the power to make you feel free, open and cared for – that’s how I feel when I allow them. A twenty minute hug sounds…wonderful.
Thanks so much for sharing.
I love that video too! I made a post about Sick Puppies a while back on my personal blog when they released their newest album.
I’m not really sure what I am…I’d definitely consider myself a “lover” but the giving and receiving of hugs I never really thought about. There’s one person however, that I do hug and hold tightly and don’t want to let go…but that’s a whole other story!
-Gregg
Gregg: I checked out your post about the Sick Puppies album release. They are talented! I don’t think I could listen to their song “My World” right now, though. I mean, the chorus:
Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need
Always ends up leaving me alone
Another lesson burned
And I’m drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world
Right now it’s been positive thoughts..
Being a lover is just one aspect of love – romantic love!
I think of hugging as well, loving the spirit of someone so a hug is for everyone.
I must say…I love hugs! I actually find that it’s sometimes strange to actually do it. I have some friends with whom I have stupendous hugs, and I really enjoy the feeling.
I must say, though, that in general I am probably more of a giver of hugs than a receiver. Maybe it’s just because the people that I know won’t initiate them. In any case, I’ve always said that the world would be a better place with more hugs. And that is before I even saw the Free Hugs Campaign (this is the first time that I saw the video, thanks).
[...] Jun, 2007 Idea Life RelationshipsI am a big fan of hugs. After reading Are You Afraid Of Hugs, I went on over to the Free Hugs Campaign website and discovered a very interesting [...]
Sometimes, I would really like a hug. You know the phrase “i’d kill for …” That’s how i feel. like, maybe I wouldn’t literally kill for it, but sometimes I just need one so bad.
My problem is finding someone to give me a hug. I can’t always find someone.
As I’ve been listening to a lot of Joy Division of late, and also been feeling a desire to listen to some early NIN (like ‘Broken’ & ‘Fixed’), so I’m sure that Sick Puppies “My World” is right up my alley right now.
Heck, that chorus goes with today so well, it’s not even funny.
Ack: Sigh. I know what you mean by really wanting a hug sometimes and I’m sorry that you can’t always find someone to comfort you.
Sounds like you’re having a rough day.
If I were there, I’d give you a hug.