Jul 11 2007
Mirror, Mirror
Do you look into the mirror and like what you see?
If I had to guess, you probably don’t.
If I look into the mirror the first thing in the morning and I invariably do since there’s one over the bathroom sink, I don’t like what I see.
I see my sleep-encrusted face and the dusting of freckles on my nose. Those freckles.
Freckles that run on my dad’s side: I see them on him, on his brothers and sisters and which were always thought to be so cute on me.
Those freckles. Former tiny islands that now have formed continents across the map of my face.
“Those aren’t freckles – they’re age spots.”
I see the vertical crease between my brows, formed by years of concentration.
“Are you going to use Botox for that?”
My eyelids sag a little and fine lines radiate from them when I smile.
“Look at all those crow’s feet!”
My face has begun to soften.
My jawline has blurred.
“You need products for ‘mature’ skin.”
I’ve always been considered pretty, at times, beautiful. I’ve always known that my looks were ephemeral and I told myself to appreciate my beauty while it lasted and to accept the changes that time would bring to them. Of course I’d do my best to look my best by taking care of myself!
I know that what I look like isn’t who I am. The face I present to the world isn’t me but that’s what the world sees.
Unfortunately what I see in the mirror isn’t always me, it’s what the world is reflecting. The world is telling me that I am old, a bit past due, I need help, and I’m unattractive.
I know that I am not my looks. I know that looks, good or bad, are only a shell.
“It’s what’s inside that counts.”
I can’t change how I look and when it comes right down to it, I really don’t want to in any under-the-knife, doctor’s-office-required way. I buy my skincare products at the drugstore.
I work on what I can change: my thoughts. I work on self-acceptance.
The world’s reflection is difficult to ignore. Society only reflects what’s outside. It’s up to us to see what’s inside.
“Beauty comes from within.”
Sometimes beauty is not just skin deep – it’s an illusion:
“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” – Kahlil Gibran
“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” – Confucius
“Beauty comes in all sizes, not just size 5.” – Roseanne
“You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen. But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul’s own doing.” – Marie Stopes
“Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.” – Garrison Keillor
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” – Queen, “Snow White”
“My mirror reflects my wrinkles, my mirror reflects my lines, it tells me I’m not beautiful. So what! It’s my soul that shines.” - Ms. Q
………………………………………………………………
Embrace the skin you’re in. We’ve had that theme in the office for some time now. I think I’ll write a post on it if I can muster up the words.
What a way to get at it and make people understand that beauty is skin deep. That what we see in advertising is just an illusion.
After beauty what do you have? Personality. Love. Self-respect.
This world is truly messed up in how they make you believe that you are just a surgery, skin cream away from being beautiful. What we need to fix is within us and stop letting those outside forces destruct our minds into thinking we are born ugly.
Too much on the brain right now. But Ms. Q you hit the right topic. You must have had an ear for what we’ve talked about in the office.
UT: “After beauty what do you have? Personality. Love. Self-respect.”
You said it! It’s just so difficult to ignore all the messages that the world sends out. What’s “funny” is how the definition of beauty changes depending on the time and place. Pale skin was once thought attractive (if you have a tan, it means you work in the fields, are a lower class) then it wasn’t and now it’s back in again due to skin cancer scares.
Marilyn Monroe was thought to be a goddess and now she’d be considered 30 pounds overweight. Models are old by something like age 23. It’s weird. I’ve seen too many women tie their self-esteem to their looks. I know I feel better about myself when I’m thinner.
I feel sad for my mom who was such a Hottie and now feels like a Nottie. Both of us are doing the online dating thing and it’s all about looks which is very rough.
Yeah, you and I do seem to be on the same wavelength most of the time! I’ve had this post in the pile for a while but it was Orange Phoenix’s “Unbe-weaveable” post on your site that got me thinking about it again.
It’s difficult to hold onto ourselves. The world wants to tell us what to do and how to think. It’s much more profitable that way.
Which reminds me of the words of William Wordsworth:
The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
I think that aging brings it’s own, new definition of beauty. As a culture, we seem to be obsessed with this idea that you’re only beautiful when you’re young. I think the definition of beauty changes with age. I think crows feet and wrinkles are beautiful.
..sorry nothing too deep! I am on lotsta vicoden and have no tonsils..
Wow that is weird. This has been kind of a confusing one to me lately. I never wore makeup, only started with eyeliner & some lip stick or lip gloss kind of recently. But now that I’m getting older, I kind of do wish several somebodies could swing by my place and get me all gorgeous like that lickety split each morning…why not? What better have they got to do? And I didn’t really want to grow old gracefully anyway…
Irisi: Ooch! I hope you get well soon! Maybe you could swing by Jill’s and get yourself some ICE CREAM.
I also think that aging brings its own definition of beauty – I mean look at Diane Keaton!
I don’t really think that I’m aging all that badly – my mom (and her mom) is aging gracefully. I just took my mom to get her hair colored and it takes 10 years off of her she has so few real wrinkles.
The irony is of course that “aging well” means looking younger than your age! My mom is also in decent shape – much more active and strong compared to other women in her age group.
The thing is that we ARE judged by our looks. I know I do it! I’m working on that, though. It’s also difficult to be OK with your looks when people are judging you by looks alone. It’s fine if you’re judged well, not so great if you’re judged badly.
Jill: You only just started wearing some makeup? Huh. Didja have to have someone show you how?
I never was much into it and it was my mom that thought I needed “a little color” when I was around 15 or so. I wore makeup in my 20s, not much but definitely more than I do now and at times I not only wore eyeshadow but lipstick and mascara!
The lipstick was a big pain – I felt I was all about my lips and the avoidance of staining my clothing. The mascara was sorta fun but I have long STRAIGHT (it’s a Chinese thing) eyelashes so they stuck together.
Lipstick and mascara went by the wayside then eye pencil then blush and now it’s the occasional “smoky lid.”
My lips? I use one of those squeeze-tubes of Vaseline.
Hahaha! on not wanting to age gracefully. Easy enough to do – don’t use sunscreen, smoke a lot of cigarettes and drink hard liquor daily. Eat a sugary diet, lots of fats and conserve energy by not moving around much.
Another aging tip is to not deal with your emotional issues so the rage, anger, self-hatred, blackness corrupts not only your soul but your body.
My mom never showed me anything about makeup – She doesn’t even wear any. A tinted chapstick now is all. A friend of mine told me once that I should always wear lipstick because I have “almost perfect lips”. What kind of sense does that make? My lips are so darn near perfect that it would be a crime not to cover them up? Still, I usually do. Eyeliner is the only other makeup I wear right now, & actually I lost mine on the car trip out of town…haven’t found it yet….
I usually just take notes when my friends are putting on makeup. I still don’t wear any makeup really, but now and then for something special (maybe once a month or less) I will mix a little of that what do you call it? Ummm….base? That skin colored stuff you spread all over the place…I’ll mix a little of that with my regular lotion. In fact, I forgot to do that when I went out of town Sunday!!!! Drat! Oh well, seeing as I also lost the eyeliner, looks like I was just a makeup free girl…
I fought growing old gracefully last night tooth and nail with tequila. But oh it was some GOOD tequila! I usually stay far away from that stuff but this was like *drinking* tequila…I’m also really, seriously bad about the sunscreen…
Jill: that does seem odd advice to be told to wear makeup by the same person telling you that you have “almost perfect lips.”
I guess with lipstick they reach perfection? Maybe your lips are perfectly shaped but have no color?
I have thin lips (you can see ‘em in my Oral Hygiene post) but plenty of color. Or so I’ve been told. I just don’t like wearing lipstick.
The skin-colored makeup you schmear on you face is called “foundation.” I rarely put that on and when I do, I do it like you: I mix it with some lotion. I think they sell tinted sunscreens that might work better instead of this foundation-with-lotion thing.
THAT’S the word I meant! Foundation! I meant to wear that stuff last weekend…oh well.
MsQ you are torturing yourself far too much over these matters. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think or even “bad.” I have seen this video before and I must say it’s shocking how they can transform her.
Jill: Foundation feels goopy to me. But heck, I got used to wearing sunscreen all the time looking all shiny. Now they have “ultra sheer” sunscreen that feels smooth so they have probably improved foundations as well.
If you don’t need foundation, why wear it. However, if you keep forgetting to use sunscreen, having a foundation with SPF 15 may be a good thing!
Ricardo: Well, I generally don’t torture myself too much and my friends are good for the ole ego. I have a couple of exes that still think I’ve got it goin’ on but hey, they LOVE me.
The thing is that the only men who have been contacting me on the online dating service I’m using have been in their 50s!! I got 2 emails from 58-year-old men the other day!! Granted they were good looking and hot FOR THEIR AGE but uh, I’m not so into AARP-ready men right now.
OK, I also get the odd (!!) 28 or 30 year old emailing me some default (and free) canned message like, “I like your profile” or a “wink.”
These men all have problems with pronouns and plurals with respect to their profiles:
“am a hard working MEN who loves to dance and just enjoy life I have a very strong but yet passionate personality what do you think sounds like your”
“Sweet man for women” (which is probably accurate as he most likely wants women not a woman)
When it comes to that video, it’s the raised eyes and neck that get me!
If I’m ever out your way Ms.Q, I will take you on a date you will never forget.
I think the only one of my grandparents who didn’t look old right up until she died was my maternal grandmother, but she smoked like a chimmney. The others, even my eighty six year old great grandmother looked obviously very old, but strong and beautiful.
I wear some mascara to accent the already massive greek eyelashes sometimes, and sometimes I’ll use this crushed up mineral makeup that works wonderfully for smoothing out my facial tone…
If I ever want vibrant lips, I just use Revlon Colorstay to avoid the smearing fear. But that’s for special occasions.. Usually it’s just natural chapstick stuff or some lip gloss..
Irisi: Sounds like you have genetics on your side and will age well. From your photos, you look like you will become fascinating and regal in your later years.
Revlon Colorstay? Hmm. That stuff works?
Ricardo: Chivalrous as always!
A date with the charming man-about-town with the devilish smile? How can any woman, much less Ms. Q, resist?
Who knows, maybe it’s you who won’t forget the date …
I came across a country music, music video several years ago while channel surfacing. As I remember it, in the video an attractive woman looks at herself in the mirror and sees herself fatter than she really is. A guy with a pot belly looks at his reflection in a store window and sees a trim, muscular young man.
I often thought that if women saw themselves the way men saw them, they’d relax and not sweat the details. I’m sure that both Ms. Q and her mother are both still Hotties.
That’s SO funny Ms.Q – that’s the EXACT part of the video that really gets me too! I showed it to a couple girlfriends & they were talking about different parts and I was like “But the neck! Did you see what they did to her NECK?????”
50 years old sounds about right by me. If I’m ever in a serious relationship again I’d like a guy who’s already seen a midlife crisis or two…
Then again, it’s going to be hard to find a 50 year old sane-warrior-poet-musician who drinks heavily and is willing to climb bank roofs every other weekend but is a responsible citizen the rest of the month…
Think I’d get many takers if I posted my request that way?????
So funny on the pronouns!!!!!!! Those guys either don’t have the poet thing down or they were in a hurry…
“Jake and Jill” – how funny!
Jake: That sounds like a true-to-life video!
Marketing encourages low self-image in women – the magazines, the makeup, the Pop-Tart girls. It’s difficult for women not to feel too much or too little of anything.
Unfortunately, that market is a bit saturated so companies are now targeting the metrosexual and it’s sad to see what magazines like what it is called, “Maxim”? that look like a “Male Cosmo” – giving men advice on getting lean, developing six-pack abs, the benefits of exfoliation.
The SNL “Girly-Man” slur will no longer be an insult – it’ll just be a lifestyle!
Thanks for the thought that men see women in a softer light than women see themselves. I am sure they do despite all the marketing!
Jill: You are too funny. I can kinda-sorta see dating a 50-year old but dang, the rugged-athletic guys who look good in their late 40s and early 50s all seem to live in Colorado!
In my part of the country, at least the ones who are searching online, the men are either doughy looking (I really don’t want to judge by looks but gee, I’m not doughy looking) or exfoliating types. The latter want younger women.
I think your description of a perfect man can’t exist in the same space-time continuum. I mean it’s like matter/anti-matter. I mean, “sane” + “climb bank roofs”??
You might get more takers on your profile if you wrote it up that way and it might get rid of all the Turkish dudes. Or not.
The pronoun issue is weird. From what I’ve seen, a man with pronoun problems is a “playah”
Just read this post, and the first thing that popped into my mind was an old quote off an ancient poster I once had. I think it was a Murphy’s Law one, but I’m not sure. “Beauty is skin deep. Ugly goes to the bone.”