Sep 07 2007
Running Away From Home
This began as a comment to Ricardo’s post Making A Break For It.
When someone asks what I think of as an important question, I want to give a considered answer.
Generally, if you ask me a question, I’ll be asking you a whole lot more in return. The point being that you must find the answer within yourself.
Ricardo asked:
“Have you ever wanted to run off after just getting fed up with it all? Do you feel that it’s running away from the problems or solving them? If you wanted to make a break for it, where would you go?”
I’ve had the desire to escape. For me, the escape would be not having a plan.
I’ve wanted to just … go, destination unknown.
My fantasy of escape is not having any responsibilities; not having any concerns but for my present needs. However, the fantasy is truly a fantasy. I am not the type of person who runs away. I may procrastinate, I may live in a state of denial but ultimately, I have to deal with it.
So yeah, I have wanted to run away but I don’t.
Running away is merely symbolic. It just feels like movement. It’s quite a different thing entirely when you’re running towards something.
It is very difficult to make any kind of decision when you feel that your life sucks.
Ricardo wrote: “I sit here in my small apartment.” and “Wasn’t I supposed to be further along?”
When you’re unhappy, you interpret everything through a lens of discontent.
Perhaps he views his apartment as small because of his ideas of success – being further along means having a bigger home. Small may feel like failure.
Personally, I think it’s fantastic that he went from being homeless in 2000 to becoming a person who wrote a screenplay and entered it in a competition.
It can’t be just me who thinks, “You’ve come a long way, babeeee.”
There is something to be said for taking a break, removing yourself from the situation that is making you feel unhappy. Distancing yourself from the problem emotionally and even physically can give you clarity.
I know someone who ran away. He told himself he was looking for better job opportunities and a lower cost of living. There was some truth to this. However, he also ended a long-term relationship, probably because he felt he had to just sever all ties. I am guessing his thoughts were, “I need to make a clean break.”
Less than a year later I hear that he wished he hadn’t ran away, he wished he had just taken a couple of week off, gone to Hawaii or something. He wishes he had been able to not think about his problems.
He said, “I don’t think I would have broken up with my girlfriend. At the time, I just wanted to … get away.”
His decision to move was probably a very good one with regard to his career. He now lives in a big house and maintains a positive attitude. He only said it once but he did say it: he wished he had married that girlfriend he left behind.
He lives alone now. He seems happy.
I always think of his story when I feel like running away. I recount it if someone is asking me for advice and they sound like they are running away as opposed to running towards.
I’m not saying it’s easy to figure out. I’ve justified all sorts of things that I had no idea were justifications until much later.
If possible, I think getting away, removing yourself from your current situation, is the best.
Where would I go if I wanted to make a break for it? Well…. I’d go back to Cape Town, South Africa, of course! In my case, I would go there because I feel totally accepted by my friends. I am safe.
Ricardo asked:
“Wasn’t I supposed to be further along? Wasn’t I to have it all figured out? Would I be happier someplace else or is happiness not the product of the environment you’re in but the state of one’s mind? I have a feeling it’s a little bit of both.”
With regard to figuring it out…that is a tough question.
I’ve found that it’s a question that takes a great deal of courage to ask.
Why?
Because the answer will require you to change. That’s what I have been going through.
Meleah commented: “Aren’t I supposed to be MORE than this? IS there MORE than this? Why aren’t I further along in my life? ”
I believe that if you believe that there is more, if you believe that you can be more, there is more. Otherwise, you’d be content.
I’m trying to let go of the timeline idea. I’m 42 years old and I feel that I’m running out of time.
You know that keeps me going? The idea that my last thought in this life is, “Wow. I could have done that.”
I don’t want that to be my last thought.
There’s a saying: Home is where the heart is.
We should all be running home.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ah…. the famous Ms Q. who leaves THE BEST comments on Ricardo’s site! That was one of my favorite posts Ricardo ever wrote.
I think he has come a VERY along way. (I am so inspired by his accomplishments).
People have told me that I have come along way….but, just like you said in this post “I believe that if you believe that there is more, if you believe that you can be more, there is more. Otherwise, you’d be content.”
Thats just it. I DO BELIEVE there is more. Thats why I am NOT content. I don’t know how to get FROM point A (where I am now) to point B.
I just feel trapped / powerless in a routine and a life that is unfullfilling. I long for so much more.
As far as running away… Well, I did that. I did that like no one else. I ran away all the way from NJ to CA. And I lost myself somewhere along the way. It took me YEARS to come home. There is no such thing as being able to RUN AWAY, because where ever you go, THERE YOU ARE, and so are all of the problems.
Anyway. I am TRYING to figure out WHAT to do with the next stage of my life…. my birthday is right around the corner. I feel like I need to make some BIG changes in this upcoming new year…. I just dont know WHAT those changes are going to be yet.
meleah: aw, thanks! Yes, that post was very good and I have been enjoying the way Ricardo’s writing is evolving and his showing more of himself to his readers.
Yes, Ricardo is very inspirational. I was listening to this CD (one from the “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” series, interestingly) and throughout the CD was the idea of how Words are power, thoughts are power. These CDs were produced back in 2002 so pre “The Secret” that is for sure.
Anyway, there was a bit of advice that really struck me: that we have 2 voices inside us: A Winner and A Loser. The advice was, “Don’t let the loser win.”
You’ve been going through quite a bit what with all your health issues. It’s a bit much to be tackling getting unstuck when you’re sick.
One of the things I learn over and over again (gee, thanks) is that when I feel pain, that the pain is actually a good thing. The pain is bringing something to my awareness.
I have been immersed in all sorts of personal development, so much so that I feel I’ve ODed on it. The thing is, if I want to get from Point A to Point B, I have to do the work. I can’t skip puberty.
I have thought a lot about “what’s next.” and what is my purpose. I finally did Steve Pavlina’s “Find Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes” exercise.
His method is:
1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?â€
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.
I didn’t quite do it as suggested and it took me longer than 20 minutes as I circled around it but I believe I found my purpose. It certain makes me cry. Now I am working on how to incorporate my purpose into my life. Steve P also has a post on Living Congruently.
It’s slowly coming together for me with respect to What’s Next. I tend to want to have A Plan. Immediately. I’m not that great with wandering around lost in the desert if you know what I mean.
I think that if your soul is longing for fulfillment and you’re open to listening to it and seeking the answer, you will find it.
But you really, really have to want to know that answer.
Cool picture. Where’s it from? if it weren’t for the yellow lines defining the shoulders, i’d swear i know exactly where that shot was taken from. This little spot, on highway 88, a little west of the north shore of Lake Comanchee, between Clements and Ione. (Specifically, just up from where Liberty road crosses 88 there.)
ack: It was taken in South Africa. It was when Laverne and Shirley were driving along in The Overberg when we were heading towards Cape Agulhas. For me, the skies there are like no other. Of course, I’d have to keep traveling for comparison….
I don’t know – on an off day the first thing that popped into my mind would end up my life purpose & on a good day I might ****never**** have one! Maybe my purpose in life is to be bi-polar.
And some extra smilies just ’cause:
I meant to say, though, that it is a ****really***** interesting idea though! It just seems so impractical for those of us who resist crying to the bitter end…
:-0 :-0 :-0
Jill: SMILEY OVERLOAD!! hahaha!!
When it comes to finding your life purpose you have to be ready to learn it. Some people are lucky – they figure it out or knew it. Other people drift along and begin to feel discontented, unfulfilled and want greater meaning in their life.
I’ve always wanted to find my purpose. I had to become who I am now to even begin to figure it out. Purpose adds passion to your life. I’m not quite there yet…I feel I am close, though.
Very nice post! It reminds me of Dorothy in the Wiz of Oz. She searched for a way to go home and in the end, discovered she knew the way the whole time, but had to go thru several trials to discover it. Isn’t that what we all do sometimes?
Keli:Glad you liked it and thanks for stopping by.
I hadn’t thought of Dorothy but you’re right. Many stories of people who are searching for answers are about people ultimately finding that answer within. Someday I’ll have to read Joseph Campbell!
You always give me the sense that you are a smart, happy woman that is still somehow still searching. What “find” would alleviate your search? To broaden this question, do you think that you are indeed a fulfilled person that just wants to be always bettering herself?
I always enjoy your posts. They represent a more serious side of life than my page ever does.
As a side note, I must admit, your use of blurred photos always sparks a curiosity of what you really look like. Human nature?
Happy weekend to you, and here are some more flowers! *\ *\ *\ (not very good ones, but that’s what they are supposed to be – LOL)
Your pal, Speedy the Cat
Hey, Speedcat: Your comment belies your usually goofy and sideways nature! Overall, I am a happy person. This year hasn’t exactly been all sunshine and laughter but I am at my core someone who believes that life is a gift.
I’m glad you caught on that I am wicked smart. I used to wish I were smarter and then thunk, well, I’m smart enough.
With respect to your question on whether I’m a fulfilled person I would say that currently, I am not. I know that I will always want to improve. Usually I have to improve to experience more joy.
I am glad you enjoy my posts. I enjoy your blog, too! I like your lighthearted and truly whacky blog.
Wanting to know what someone looks like is human nature. I don’t mind not knowing, though. I read many blogs where the author is anonymous. I can create my own image. I’m probably used to it from all the reading I do.
Of course in my case I have given you and my other readers big hints which does up the intrigue.
Thanks for the flowers and I hope you’re having a great weekend!
I can relate to this. I recently took a two-week trip to Australia as a ‘running away’ type thing. That photo conjured up chords of ‘Life is a Highway’…