Nov 16 2007
Exercise: I Deserve
Yesterday I mentioned Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life.”
I mentioned I was working on affirmations and the one I was working on was:
“I deserve the best, and I accept it now.”
Do you feel you deserve the best?? I do…with caveats.
I deserve the best if I am the best.
I deserve the best if I…
…Am a good person
…Never make mistakes
…Never get angry
…Am perfect in every way
Not the best caveats. I am basically shooting myself in the foot. Hmmm…no wonder I have this pain in my big right toe.
Louise Hay believes in what she calls “Mirror Work” – you say affirmations while looking at yourself in the mirror. She believes that gets to the core of your problems quickly. She said that most people are very resistant to doing mirror work and will become angry and toss the hand-mirror she provides across the room.
I’ve been telling myself I deserve the best for a week now. To mix it up a little I also tell myself how I love and approve of myself.
I’m not quite up to the several hundreds of times a day Louise recommends but I think I have several multiples of 10!
If you think that telling yourself you love and approve of yourself all day long is dumb and won’t help, how helpful has telling yourself I’m unworthy, I’m fat, look at that pimple, it’s ginormous, jeez I am so ugly, dang I should have done that faster, I am such an idiot…
How helpful have all these internal negative mutterings been?
Some aren’t even internal – some of us tell ourselves how awful we are out loud!
As Louise asks, “Do you believe that you deserve to have your desire? If you don’t, you won’t allow yourself to have it. Circumstances beyond your control will crop up to frustrate you.”
She describes an exercise – “I Deserve”.
You deserve the best and I’d love for you to believe it.
Exercise: I Deserve
Look in a mirror and say:
“I deserve to have or be [ your desire ], and I accept it now.”
Say it two or three times.
How do you feel? Always pay attention to your feelings, to what is going on in your body. Does it feel true, or do you still feel unworthy?
If you have any negative feelings, then go back to affirming:
“I release the pattern in my consciousness that is creating resistance to my good.”
“I deserve [ your desire].”
Repeat this until you get the acceptance feelings, even if you have to do it several days in a row.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ooo, this reminds me *jumps up and down excitedly* about Jung’s Shadow work!
I want that book now! Thank you Ms. Q.!
Sue: You are always so positive and upbeat I wouldn’t think you’d need it but hey, people say the same of me! I ordered the book last night – my copy is from the library! The pages are so heavy (for the gift edition I link to) that the book stays open and it’s great for putting on your dresser so you can look yourself in the eye and tell yourself how wonderful you are, how you deserve the best, how freakily incredibly you are!!
The book also has a section on how physical problems relate to emotional issues. For example:
Foot problems: Fear of the future and of not stepping forward in life.
New thought: I move forward in life with joy and ease.
My right toe has been hurting. I’ve been at a crossroads. Hhmmmm.
Fat (belly): Anger at being denied nourishment.
New Thought: I nourish myself with spiritual food and I am satisfied and free.
Fat (thighs): Packed childhood anger. Often rage at the father.
New Thought: I see my father as a loveless child, and I forgive easily. We are both free.
Each “cause” she lists as a “probable cause.” She has another book called “Heal Your Body” and I believe it’s just a list of problems/ probable causes/ and the suggested New Thought Pattern to help heal the problem.
I believe that many health issues are emotionally based. I think most people agree that stress and tension cause health problems – I’ve gotten rashes when I’m stressed and tics and the like.
Louise comes across as non-judgmental – I don’t get the feeling that we “cause” our own health issues – to me they are a result of the issues.
The book looks like a good gift item, I’m considering giving it to a friend of mine who admits that she has “serious esteem issues” that are probably at the basis of her many allergies, sensitivities and general poor health.
I’ve become a LOT friendlier since I’ve begun affirmations in earnest. It’s true – the more you love yourself, the more love you have to give! I am feeling much less critical of others. PHEW.
I’ve been working with The Artist’s Way—which requires 3 pages of writing, each morning. I have been amazed, when I’ve looked at what I’ve written, to see the same old stuff, over and over again. And yes, much of it is negative stuff that i need to just jettison.
Mirror work sounds too dorky, but then so did some of the artist’s way exercises, and I think I’ve gained a lot from them…
I deserve the best if I…
…Am a good person
…Never make mistakes
…Never get angry
…Am perfect in every way
I copied this because it is so common. The only one that’s even remotely possible is being a good person. If a measure of self worth is dictated by the grading in these catagories, a person is doomed!
There seems to be a misconception of what is egotistical, and what is a heathy love of one’s self. Self love and acceptance is the healthiest mental aspect regarding life, and positive interaction with others. It’s a perfectly resonable to look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I deserve to be happy, and I accept it now.†It’s another to look in the mirror and say, “I’m better than everyone”…. that’s delusion!
MsQ, what are caveats and do they go well with chicken? Your readers would like to know (well, I do anyway). I’m just glad this post was not about physical excercise, because I just lost 50 pounds. Thank goodness the holidays are just around the corner
Speedcat Hollydale
I’ve picked up some bad habits over the years from working with ’self-described-idiots;’ yelling out the worst things about themselves. I would go along and do the same thing while at work. “I’m such an idiot” and “how can I be so stupid” are things that I’ve said just recently.
One affirmation that it took me a long time to say was “I’m sexy.” Sounds odd for a dude but the ladies would always say it to me and I would shy away and question their motives along with their eye sight. (I feel like I’m saying to much but who cares… I’m tired and I’d bare my soul the way I’m feeling today)
I’ve come a long way. I once thought it was crazy to talk to yourself in the mirror. But it has gotten me far in accepting and appreciating the person that I am. I no longer think I’m ugly. Just not overly attractive (that is a way of keeping myself in check – I often tell myself I look damn good).
Christine: “The Artist’s Way” – hmm. Must google! That’s one thing about journaling and rereading past entries – you can see the pattern! Which can be a bit freaky! As I’ve thunk about my past, I have seen some patterns emerge. Sigh.
Speedy! Well…most people have some extreme idea of what it is to be a good person. In my case I sometimes get really annoyed with my mom or snippy and um, say mean things. I now know to tell her when I’m not in a “happy place” and it’s not her but ME but argggh, I take this to mean that I’m not a good person.
I agree with you about the “I’m better than everyone else” type of delusion – eeek! But between not wanting to be conceited and perhaps putting others before self, there are plenty of people who don’t feel they deserve The Good! In fact, the nicest people I know don’t feel they deserve the good and their lives reflect it – not much money and a tendency to be taken advantage of. One thing that people who don’t feel they deserve anything or are worth anything – they don’t ask enough for their services! So they don’t have much money.
Caveats? They are an old-fashioned type of tie. Whoops, that’s cravats.
According to Merriam-Webster: Caveat: modifying or cautionary detail to be considered when evaluating, interpreting, or doing something.
In my case, I was using caveat to as a bit of a “Yes-BUT” …
I deserve the best BUT
Sigh.
Caveats and chicken? Of course they go together but that’s because chicken goes with everything.
Caveats and beef? Eh, not so good together. Caveats and fava beans? Freaky.
Caveats and pleated skirts? It depends on the occasion.
UT: I hear my mom say “I’m so stupid!” and “What a dummy” while knocking herself on her forehead. I tell her to not be so hard on herself and that thoughts become real and she’s NOT stupid but if she keeps telling herself that, she’ll make herself stupid.
It sucks that so many of us fall into the self-negation trap! I’m sorry you have as well. Heck, I do it too! I’ve been reading quite a bit about learning and performance and guess what – being stressed out and self-critical does not lead to optimum performance. I’m trying to shift my thoughts from, “I should have done that better” to “this is valuable feedback”
“I’m sexy” as an affirmation? Thanks for sharing that. I mean, most men won’t show that they too have doubts about their appeal. Being sexy has so much weight to it – so much emotional content. Having someone of the opposite sex tell you you’re sexy, yeah, I can see worrying about the motivation. Also, a man can get thought of as conceited or a player (is that term still used?) if he comes across as thinking he’s sexy.
I got the impression you were sexy, what with your deep voice, a sense of conviction in your ideals and intensity. Very sexy traits.
“Mirror work” is interesting. It’s amazing how we so many can’t look at themselves in the eye. I’ve been doing it as well as all sorts of other “new agey” stuff and am a happier person for it. I’m glad you’re all for it as well.
When it comes to attractiveness I’ve seen the most attractive people have the most self-doubt! I’m sure you’ve read the blogs of people who look incredibly attractive and they feel unloved. I know what you mean, or I have some idea of what you mean when you write, “I’m not overly attractive.” You’re making me think of Tommy Lee Jones. Not that you look like him but most people don’t consider him handsome. Some may consider him ugly. Personally, I think he’s interestingly attractive. Then again, Brad Pitt does not make my pulse race. Yaawwwwn.
It’s stuff like that that makes me realize that we are all attractive in our own way and self-love is quite attractive. As one of my favorite “peeps” tells me: You keep on keepin’ on. From what I see, you’re heading in the right direction.
I caveated myself once, ohhh shoot!!!
Speedy! Did it hurt?!!!
I really want that book now! I’ve given you an award, because you are fantabulous Ms. Q. I bestow upon you the Winning Attitude award!
And thank you so much for the kind words, they warm me up inside and out today!
I found your site via Mr. Speedycat….
Act like you deserve as well…you can tell yourself something a million and one times…but action of the underlying beliefs speak VERY loud to the conscious and unconscious mind.
I like this post in relation to affirming your worthiness to yourself.
Just a suggestion to put on top of it all (if I dare
Everyday I affirm how wonderful I am..because I am, just as everyone else in this entire world is…but I also do something to reinforce this idea/belief…
Do something wonderful for yourself today…because YOU deserve it!
I hear my mom say “I’m so stupid!†and “What a dummy†while knocking herself on her forehead. I tell her to not be so hard on herself and that thoughts become real and she’s NOT stupid but if she keeps telling herself that, she’ll make herself stupid. – ****I HATE THAT!!!!**** I’ve had a couple times when I’ve slipped into something like that, & have to remember not to.
I think it’s totally true about the stress. I have vitiligo and it was almost completely gone until I had my son. Then I was totally stressed for the next… nine years and it came back right away. One could argue I guess that it was the body changes from pregnancy & birth that caused it to come back so forcefully, but I don’t think that’s true because it never returned when I had my daughter, & I was under a LOT less stress when I had my daughter.
Same thing with eczema – I get it when I’m stressed & I don’t have it when I’m not.
Mighty Morgan: Great addition! Yes, ACTion does reinforce thought and living out your beliefs (acting as if they were true) helps the rest of the universe to “tune in” to your beliefs and make them so. A “like attracts like” universal law.
Jill: Eek! Your mom does that, too?? My mom ALSO raps herself on her forehead. Whassup with that?
Regarding vitiligo – a skin condition. I’ve read about how different parts of the body are “metaphors’ for emotional problems so when you have skin problems, it might be that “Someone is getting under your skin” or something is getting under your skin. Skin ‘Protects our individuality” and the “new thought” or suggested affirmation is “I feel safe to be me.”
I have been having this problem with my foot and it does related to a “fear of moving forward.” Eee. But it seems to be getting better and I HAVE been moving forward so…who knows. Our bodies does tell us things!
Oh no – MY mom doesn’t say that! Or hit her forehead. I just mean I hate it when I hear anyone say that. Actually, ****I**** hit my forehead…but anyway… Interesting on the skin/vitiligo, actually, all of that was interesting!
Jill: Aaah, you were quoting me! I was confused.
OK. Glad you mom doesn’t do that! YOU hit your forehead? Huh. I wonder where we get these mannerisms from anyway. I sometimes do the side-of-head ‘DUH!’ but that’s only with an “audience” for a “dramatic effect.”