Dec 20 2007
Dark Whispers and Lessons from Macbeth
I am not quite sure what I am feeling these days.
As you know, I was laid off a couple of weeks ago. I would say that I’ve been feeling positive 80% of the time. Not bad for someone unemployed and not bad in general.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m faking it – negative thoughts start whispering in my ear telling me:
- You’re fooling yourself – there aren’t any jobs.
- You have no skills.
- You’ll run out of money.
- Oh, SURE, everyone believes in you but that’s because THEY DON’T KNOW you.
- Liar, liar, pants on fire!
- You’re a big fake.
- You don’t deserve to ask for that much money.
EEEAAaarrggggh!!!
I feel like Lady Macbeth: Out, damned spot! Out, I say!
Or in the case of Ms. Q: “Out, damn NOT, OUT, I say!”
In order to screw my courage to the sticking-place* I return to affirmations:
- I have so many jobs to choose from.
- I have a wealth of skills and experience.
- I have an abundance of money.
- I approve of myself.
- I love myself.
- I deserve a good salary because of the value I will provide to any company I work for.
- I am a wonderful person.
- I am asset to any organization.
I’ve been thinking about what’s next for me. I know that I am in a state of transition and growth. I know that I will be looking back at this past year and the year to follow as one of great change.
It’s a bit…scary.
I know that I am developing new inner resources and that some day the fears I am going through now will be “old fears” and I will be taking on bigger fears challenges.
But first have to overcome my current fears challenges….
I’ve been reading a lot about finding a job that gives you joy. Steve Pavlina has written many articles about loving what you do, having a fulfilling career and essentially, being true to yourself and not giving in to apathy.
When our actions do not,
Our fears do make us traitors
–Lady Macduff, Act IV, scene ii
I’ve been thinking much about my purpose. I know I like writing. I’m not “feeling” a book right now but I do enjoy writing. I love connecting with people in person as well as with my writing. Two friends suggested that I blog for a living – a total career change!
One of them said that I would make a great “Community Evangelist.” He described it as a marketing combined with blogging. What was interesting was that as he described this type of work he told me how good I would be at it.
My friend is a great motivator and champion.
He asked, “What do you like?” and out popped, “I like to make people feel good about themselves.”
Whaddya know.
I like to make people feel good about themselves.
I think that’s my purpose in life.
Whatever I do, making people feel good about themselves has to be a part of it.
When our actions do not,
Our fears do make us traitors
–Lady Macduff, Act IV, scene ii
If I don’t act towards my highest good, then I will be a traitor to myself.
What about you? Do you believe you deserve the good? Are you your own champion? I hope you are.
You deserve the good.
You deserve love.
You deserve joy.
We all do.
* Screw your courage to the sticking-place.
–Lady Macbeth, Act I, scene vii
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It’s a right fine person that can apply Shakespeare to everyday living.
Positive 80% of the time is fantastic even when life’s going smoothly! (that would be on the 4th of August, every other year…KIDDING!)…
Blogging for a living would be so great, although it tends to be an all or nothing thing for me, so speaking of fear I’d worry endlessly that inspiration would only come when I didn’t need it.
Why ARE those negative thoughts so much easier to hear?????????? Anyway, your purpose is a good one & I’m wishing you a way to work toward it WHILE employed! Here’s an early wish for a great 2008!
Derek – love your comment!
I find that the word fear often is directly realated to “worry”. It is human nature to worry, and really a way of protecting ourselves from harm. The key is how to use and process “worries”. I will always try and make a mental inventory of actions that will remedy whatever stressful situation that arises, and make a step by step plan of attack. What I can do is my goal, and anything else is trivial. This seems to put my own mind at ease, and therefore resume life without a “voice” telling of negative conceptualizations. As I have said before, sometimes we need to accept that indeed we are powerless over certain situations. Fate, hope, trust, divine right path.
I like the way you too have constucted a path, or plan, to steer the car in a forward direction. Do what you can to the best of your ability, in whatever you do, and a strong heathly person you will be.
Your soul searching for what it is that makes you happy, is very admirable. How many people have you met that only pursued monetary gain, and forgot what was important to them, and mostly what they are passionate about. Such a powerful word, passion. Without it, we wither and become robotic. Rich and robotic? I’ll pass!
I love the way you finish this post MsQ… and yes, we all do. I wish you love, joy, happiness, and a wonderful holiday too.
Live every day with passion
Eric “Speedcat Hollydale”
I know you are right – we all deserve. May we all believe it…
Derek: Thanks! Shakespeare was a keen observer of human nature.
Jill: You seem to have quite a few ideas- are your scrapbooks the same way (all or nothing?)
Thanks for the wishes for a great 2008! I think it’s gonna be a bit…exciting, not one of those calm years, that’s for sure.
Speedy! Yes, you are so right about fear being related to worry. I like your approach to dealing with worries and stress: step by step planning for what you can do.
I am a planner/contingency type – I don’t do well with spontaneity or flying by the seat of my pants! But I am working on the trust that all will be well when I can’t figure it out or see the path at the current time.
I think that people get wrapped up in the day-to-day and it makes it difficult to think about being passionate about life. People usually begin to question their life when they hit some type of crisis.
Thanks for you kind wishes and yes! Live every day with passion!
Beth: I think a lot of the world’s problems would go away if we all believed we deserved the good in life.
It’s OK to fake it. “Fake it ’til you make it”, is my motto.
Christine: Good motto! And sometimes going through the motions is enough. Like saying affirmations…sooner or later they sink it. But when I say to myself “I’m a big fake” I am thinking that I’m faking being a nice person and everyone will find out I’m some selfish, nasty icky person. BLeeeech! Replace that thought!
Yeah, scrapbooks, collages, writing – any of that creative stuff is all or nothing for me. And when it’s “all” it’s “all.” I only stop to eat because I have to feed the kids or if the kids aren’t here because I can’t function anymore without food…
Well we are the same page so to speak. What you describe here ties in with my fraud post. These insecurities eat away at you and can make you feel unworthy of the good. It is a nasty cycle that you are well on your way to overcoming. In fact, I think you have.
ricardo: yes…we ARE going through something similar and I left a big comment on your fraud post. Interesting how we used similar terms!
It IS a nasty and insidious cycle to not feel deserving. I’ve been working on affirmations all the time these days. If I have a free thought – affirm! Any thought that is not fixed on a task – affirm! I am slowly trying to replace my usual negative talk with positive talk.
Like one thing I have seen in myself as well as in a close friend – the thought that things HAVE TO BE HARD to work. So lets say someone tells you, “All you have to do to rid yourself of that guilt is say these affirmations for a week and then that guilt is gone.”
Another person says, “What you have to do to rid yourself of that guilt is crawl naked over broken glass, then sleep on a bed of nails for a week and tell yourself you’re a horrible person for a month, maybe 2 and FINALLY, lose all you hold dear and you will be purged of all guilt.”
We don’t think we deserve something to be easy. So we land some fantastic and if we don’t think we deserve it (job, item, person) we lose it.
I’m REALLY working on the deserving thing! I have noticed a change in thinking (like being able to accept produce and compliments) and I’m working on not only deserving a fantastic job but love.
Yep. I know that deep-deep-deep inside me I don’t believe I deserve love which is why I am single. How else to explain it? My friends are dumbfounded. I am an obvious catch. It’s a mystery of the ages. I seem to be a magnet for married men. Or otherwise unavailable.
But I have a feeling that next year will bring me all sorts of nice things that I deserve! You also deserve nice things. I’m rooting for you!
I always have a hard time with “deserve”. When good stuff happens people say, “You DESERVE blah blah blah.” And I think, “So does everybody. But who really gets what they deserve?” I always think, if only everyone got what they deserved right from the beginning, if every new baby got what it deserved, what it needed…maybe we wouldn’t even have to worry about what adults deserved.