Jan 27 2008
Bad Girls
This post was inspired by Ricardo’s 4-Part series, Why Men Are “Men.”
He wrote about the “armor” that men wear – this tough-guy thug persona and how “From across the room some poor women will see this energy about you and confuse it with dominance. She will show interest.”
It’s a fantastic series about what goes on in the heart of man.
While women seem to be drawn to these Bad Boys, men in their turn seem to be attracted to Bad Girls.
I knew this but I keep getting surprised by it. Now, a Bad Girl isn’t necessarily obvious. She may not be wearing a short skirt or fishnet stockings or leather or anything like that. Bad isn’t always about being sexy. Sometimes a Bad Girl is just bad for the particular man who’s attracted to her.
So some laid-back guy who wants nothing more than a ranch-style house in the ‘burbs and his 2.5 kids (the .5 being the dog) marries the Style Queen who longs for the excitement in the city. She’s never happy and takes it out on him in little demeaning ways.
Then there’s the man who says he wants a woman who’s his partner in life who has her own career and interests. Yet he ends up with a stay-at-home wife who complains that he’s always busy working and not spending time with her and the children in their big home with their jumbo mortgage and recently remodeled kitchen.
Sometimes I wonder if humans are conditioned to think that anything worthwhile must be earned. Or difficult.
I’ve noticed this phenomenon yet it continues to surprise me. Why do so many nice people end up being paired with mean people?
I have this online dating profile. At the age of 42 I’m not a big draw for the men I’m interested in – that is, men close to my age.
Men my age begin to be interested in having children, which means that they should be looking at younger women. Then there is the fact that men generally like younger women. Such is life.
I have had the same profile and photos for maybe 9 months. It hasn’t seen much “action” and since I’ve been busy dealing with a dark summer of the soul and attending mandatory workshops for unemployment, I could care less.
I’ve been regularly walking around the lake with two “Old Dudes” who are anything but old.
I actually refer to them as my B-MODs – or Black Men Of Distinction. One is 65 and the other somewhere in his 70s. Both work out and work out hard at a no-frills gym.
The BMODs are very good for my ego. They think I’m beautiful! The Younger Dude is always taking photos of me and saying, “Dang! Don’t you know you’re beautiful? You just have no idea!”
He admits that he never started to use the word “Dang” until he met me. The BMODs want me to find a boyfriend. They have been trying to think of who they know who would be “good enough for me.”
I’m telling ya, everyone should have their version of the BMODs.
Younger Dude loves this one photo I sent him. I’m looking directly at the camera. I’m not smiling. He says, “Your eyes…they look like they are saying something…”
It’s very flattering! I never thought much of that particular photo but he loves it. I kept joking that I would use it on my dating profile.
Well, a week ago I uploaded that photo and made it my primary one – the one that men would first see. I did it purely for chuckles.
The joke was on me. I had more men viewing my profile in a day than I had all month. The numbers continue to climb. I get winks and emails.
Dang!
I told Younger Dude and HE laughs and says, “I told you! I have an eye for that kind of thing!”
Younger Dude was a professional photographer. He says he knows faces.
My original photo was of me smiling and looking what I thought of as warm and welcoming. Younger Dude scrunches up his face when he thinks of that photo. He said, “You look…like a…girl! Nice but…Nuh-Uh!”
About 2 years ago I had done something similar – I had uploaded this very mean looking photo of myself with slicked back hair and no smile. Again, I did it for chuckles.
I was tired of having all these men waaaay outside my age range (a slew of 67 year olds and then there was this 76 year old who lived in a Florida trailer park) who were probably thinking I was some Delicate Asian Flower who might take care of them.
You know, give them sponge baths, that kinda thing.
When I showed the photo to my female friends they all thought it looked mean and scary. I thought so, too. My male friends thought it a bit freaky.
What was freaky was how men in their early 30s started checking me out, then a few men in their 40s emailed me and the men in their late 60s – nowhere to be seen.
Dang!
Men are drawn to Bad Girls.
They may say they want a woman who is low-maintenance and easy going but that’s not what they are attracted to. My Nice Girl photo generated little interest.
Men find Bad Girls sexy. Women find Bad Boys sexy.
Looks like the sexes aren’t that different.
Appearances can be deceiving. I look like the Good Girl I am.
But like all good girls, when I’m good I’m good.
When I’m bad…I’m better.
Mrreeowwww!
Note: The first photo shows the 2 stars from the show “Gilligan’s Island.”
On the left is “Ginger” – the starlet “bad girl.”
On the right is “Mary Ann” – the sweet “good girl.”
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It’s the mystery of it all.
It’s funny – I have a photo on myspace that looks mean or angry or something. One of the guys we’ve emailed about really liked it & put up a comment. I took it down & the comment’s not there anymore, but I ended up putting the photo back up cause…well, for whatever reason, guys liked it *shrug shrug*.
Oh so 65…hmmm….that’s kind of a big age difference I guess…
Your post reminds me of this saying: “Every girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her. Every guy wants a good girl who will be bad just for him.”
Sue: It’s a mystery all right!
Jill: That quote you recall sounds about right! DANG you have a mind for quotes and lyrics! Hehehehe about your MySpace photo! Like you wrote: shrug-shrug! All I know is that mean seems to bring on the shuh-wing!
Thank you for the mention on the series I did. I’m not going to beat around the bush with this. no pun intended. Bad girls are better in bed. They are much more in tune with their sexuality and are not afraid to use it. It’s magnetic. You can’t help but be pulled to them. A nice girl, yeah thats fine, but there’s a strong chance she may be boring as hell in the sack but faithful in other ways. It’s a double edge sword.
Ginger was never the “bad girl” she was always the tease. Now, Mary Anne… Mroaar!!!
Ricardo: I have heard that bad girls are better in bed – more able to get their freak on. I love that phrase, “get the freak on.” Anyway, I have also heard (like you said, a double-edged sword) that bad girls end up being “too much brain damage” – a big emotional hassle. Most men (if they are smart) end up passing on these bad girls because they are not worth it. Just like smart women will end up passing on bad boys.
I don’t think that the bad = good in bed equation works with men though. There may be more heat with a bad boy but not always (pun intended) staying power.
HMTKSteve: You’re right about Ginger! When I googled for Ginger and Mary Ann there are websites devoted to the question of who would you prefer! Funneee!
I’d go with Dawn Wells and hope our family tree split far enough back that it wouldn’t be a problem.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been in bed with a ‘bad girl.’ You’d think so … that it might have happened at some point in my past. I don’t know that I was ever concerned about her goodness or badness as much as I war revelling in my luckiest-guy-in-the-world-at-the-moment -ness
I know the best experience was with a divorced mother of two after I was divorced. And she wasn’t a bad girl. She was a good mother who cared about her kids and there was something appealing about that. And … she had, uh, ideas.
I was going to pose a thought on why men proposition women 25 years younger than they are but realized I couldn’t make my point. I’m 47 and have no desire to date a 22-year old woman. It’s not that I don’t have Rod Stewart’s money (and I don’t), it’s just that I can’t imagine what we’d talk about. Of course, that probably isn’t the same problem when the ages are 42 and 67.
Hmmm… Most bad girls I know have nothing going for themselves outside of the bedroom. I like a good girl cause on the outside she gives you cookie cutter but when you get her under the sheets she’s ready to cut you up. And I’m not mad about that at all.
After all these years I never bothered to find out what the .5 was in the 2.5 kids saying. But now I know… A dog. Never would have thunk it.
You have now inspired me to write another blog post (still have not written the first one). Let’s just say that Ginger is clearly a “young man’s bride” while Mary Ann is a “man’s bride”.
I don’t know if you know the reference but I’ll try to write it up this week.
I will wait till I’m in my 50’s and score a trophy wife in her 20s just because.
Delmer: Nice way to describe being in bed, “luckiest-guy-in-the-world-at-the-moment -ness” and thanks for sharing your feelings about that divorced mother of 2 who had ..ideas.I would think that a good woman with “uh, ideas” is what most men would find ideal.
From what I’ve heard about men propositioning women 25 years younger (and the woman is maybe 18-24) – it’s not about dating or talking. Sounds like you like the dating and talking component, which is why you haven’t gone out with a woman that much younger than you!
Men in their 50s find me very appealing – it’s the combination of being younger-but-not-too-young and the way I think or rather, the way I write. I don’t write about walks on the beach or being able to transition from jeans to a little black dress with style and aplomb. So far the oldest man to contact me was 77 and he described what parts had been removed and which ones had been replaced. He also mentioned something along the lines that one part was still ready and willing to work. Hmmm.
UT: Ah…cookie cutter to cut you up, what a metaphor! Glad you found out that there is some truth to watching out for “the quiet ones.” Personally, I like being what I call “stealthy” a bit like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Makes for a pleasant (or pleasurable) surprise.
When it comes to the .5 being the dog, I made that up. I’ve heard the “2.5 kids” phrase myself and always assumed it was a joke on census math (couple one has 2 kids, couple two has 3 kids so on average they have 2.5 kids). I thought of the dog because I know people without children who have a dog or a cat and they call it their “kid” or even “grandkids” if their children don’t have kids yet.
HMTKSteve: I don’t know the reference but I still can understand what you’re saying! I look forward to your post!
Ricardo: Hahahaha! You’re telling us that you’ll be ready for marriage in your 50s??
Hah! You know, when I put up my recent post I hadn’t seen this yet- maybe we’re connected in some extrasensory way.
I’ve been with the same woman for 18 years- since I was 19. The deal is that apparently there were a few girls who thought I was cute in high school/college but I never noticed. Everyone who knows me now knows that I’ve been partnered with my best friend forever. Sometimes her friends will come over and I flirt with them big time and vice versa, but only because I know that I’m just talking crap.
Most of the guys I’ve had this discussion with say they’d rather be with Mary Ann, but I am a Ginger guy all the way. Always have been, even when I was peer pressured to change my vote. I think maybe when I was younger I figured that thoughts about anything sexual were BAD THOUGHTS, so perhaps my teenage mind decided who better to act them out with than a BAD GIRL?
Hey Ms. Q I enjoyed Ricardo’s series as well. Made you go hmmmm and laugh at the same time.
Growing up I didn’t know too many bad girls. Us guys wanted a nice girl to take home to mom, lol. But in my later years, the bad girls where hot! Hot, but no personality and high maintenance. No thanks, been there, done that.
If I were single, I’d still look for a nice girl, but if she was intelligent and nice with a naughty wink, then I could be swayed, lol.
Now you got me curious about what the Younger Dude sees.
the frogster: maybe we are connected .. stranger things have happened! Or maybe it’s some “tipping point” kinda thing when it comes to Gilligan’s Island. Not that I’ve been paying much attention to GI – I was just trying to think of the archtypical “Bad Girl V Good Girl” icons and Ginger and Mary Ann came to mind.
The flirting like mad with friends can be a lot of fun – especially when you know it’s just that – in fun! Plus, you can really exaggerate which makes it funnier.
I would think that men would want to roll around with Ginger but ultimately stay with Mary Ann. Which reminds me of your post and saying that Mary Ann could crack a coconut with her abs! Your logic about Ginger is logical – bad things with a bad girl!
Lucky you to have found your soul mate so young! You musta done something wonderful in a past life..
Rolando: Did you date a few bad girls? My guess is that dating a bad girl or going out with one is a good thing – you have “been there and done that” and never have to ponder the mystery again! Ditto with doing anything kinda bad for you or stupid! I’ve done a few “I’m pretty sure I’m gonna regret this” type of things and while I didn’t regret them (regret is pointless) it made me empathize with people who have done similar things. Plus, you just have to try things sometimes – being safe and good all the time – you won’t learn too much from life without taking a few side trips.
“Intelligence with a naughty wink.” – I like that! Now I know how to describe myself!
I’M not even sure what Younger Dude sees! The first time we met I was in my walking clothes – visor, baggy pants, wraparound sport glasses. Both he and Older Dude find me beautiful. Younger Dude thinks he’ll have a heart attack if he ever saw me dressed up. Talk about GREAT for the ego!
I’m a TAF (Tiny Asian Female): four-foot-ten-and-three-quarter-inches, 96-98 lbs with 17-20% body fat. At 43-is-just-around-the-corner, I’m holding up pretty well. Then again, I’m Asian! I was very flattered to have another Asian (usually I adjust for Asian when guessing age) think I was 34-35 years old.
My grandma was a Femme Fatale and my mom at 66 still has a draw. She’s like Obi-Wan when it comes to giving me advice: “Use the Force my child…use the Force…”
Older woman are hot, what more can I say?
I would not qualify Ginger as a bad girl, just a high maintenence girl.
Hey yeah! I want to second (or maybe it’s third?) Delmer’s (& Ms.Q’s?) vouching for the good for good girls, Sunday school teacher that I ultimately am… :-0 :-0 :-0
On the much younger women thing – I was talking about this guy I had dated, was dating, who was or wasn’t calling me at the time (probably *wasn’t* otherwise I wouldn’t have been so deep into my complaints). He was close to 50; ten years older than me.
My brother said something like, “He’s the type of man who will date for another ten years and then marry a 19 year old. They might even be happy together because the gap in communication will be so great due to the age difference that they’ll both THINK they’re getting what they want…” or something like that.
OMG Frogger & Ms.Q!!!! LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JP/Cats & Cardstock blogged Gilligan’s Island too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
read the second to last paragraph of this post
Ok totally messed up that link, but This should work
Steve D: As an “older woman” (except to those 67+ year old!) I am glad you think older women are hot!
Yeah, you’re right, Ginger wasn’t really bad – she never got that far!
Jill (Parts 1-3): As a Sunday school teacher I am sure you “got it goin’ on” hehehehe! Actually, you DO have it goin’ on as your photos attest to!
Your brother is wise. The men in your family sure have the relationship advice (thinking of your dad and the dog quote…or something like that??)
I checked out the link that worked…that was funnee! Wigs for cats? Who wudda thunk it??
If ever ready to get hitched, yes it would be my 50’s……..maybe.