Feb 19 2008
Complimentary Behavior
I had a bit of an “old school” upbringing. At least, I call it Old School – no talking back, homework before play, say please and thank you and look both ways before crossing the street.
Good behavior was a given and straight A’s were taken for granted.
This meant that the only feedback I got seemed to be when I did something badly.
I did get a bit of slack with Physical Education. I wasn’t particularly athletic and despite being Chinese and small, I wasn’t good at gymnastics.
This upbringing accomplished a few things:
- I became a low-risk perfectionist: If you’re afraid of doing poorly, how many new things are you gonna try?
- My self-esteem was tied with performance.
- I was highly critical of myself and others.
- I was not given to praising or complimenting others.
I was prone to giving advice. Hmm. Still am. Eeek!
Somehow along the way I had also come to believe that when someone praised you, they wanted something, so it wasn’t really praise, it was flattery.
I had to work on noticing when someone did something well and it took even more effort to get into the habit of actually praising them. I also felt uncomfortable giving compliments.
These days I tend to focus on the good and it feels good to give people compliments. It feels good knowing that maybe I made someone feel good about themselves.
So here I am giving advice again…
As you go about your day, look for something good about each person you meet. Yes, sometimes this can be quite the treasure hunt.
What about those people you interact with on a regular basis? Have you ever noticed something good about them but never thought to mention?
You might say something like, “You are so great at doing [fill in the blanks] that it’s easy to take it for granted that all will run smoothly.”
Or maybe, “Wow, you are so great with getting my expenses reimbursed quickly!”
Another way to increase or perhaps encourage your complimentary behavior is looking for things to appreciate and be grateful for in your life.
Maybe it’s the geek in me but I appreciate electricity. When the power went out during a major storm, I thought about the crews that must be out there trying to get things up and running again. I also know a few people in the utility business. In their business, no news is good news. This means they usually hear complaints!
Look for good in others and tell them what you found.
Compliments and praise cost nothing yet are priceless gifts.
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I learned this lesson well as a sales manager. It took so little to make people want to do their best when someone actually noticed. A lovely reminder -and after sitting in traffic for three hours today I must learn to appreciate all of the bad drivers one way or the other….
Beth: I noticed that good managers praise and much that I’ve read about job satisfaction was people feeling like they were noticed and that their efforts were appreciated. As you say, it really doesn’t take much!
Three hours sitting in traffic? Dang! I notice rude and bad drivers but it rarely upsets me unless they are doing something dangerous. Traffic and bad drivers are something I decided to get used to – I could choose to be upset all the time or just let it go! I haven’t learned how to appreciate bad drivers!