Apr 02 2008
Ego, Ergo, No Go
Please bear with my blog, as it seems to be going through some …problems.
HMTKSteve has given me some tips on how to deal with them. I’ve actually put off implementing his tips as well as upgrading and modifying my blog because the process would take a weekend (or more) and right now, blogging should not be a high priority.
I really wish I had more time to write about all the ponderifications that happen throughout my day. Then again, they may only be of interest to me!
One ponderification I’ve had is that when I first started writing for my blog, I had this idea that I wanted each post to be finely crafted and not quite impersonal but close to it.
I also had this idea of “perfection” – which is where the “finely crafted” idea came about. I like to think of myself as a writer. I may not have published anything but I do enjoy writing and I’m told that I don’t do a bad job of it.
This had created a bit of ego-involvement in the entire writing process, which kinda saps the enjoyment of writing. Ego and the care and feeding of it really saps the enjoyment out of a lot of things is what I believe.
Of course I want to write well. What is writing well? Is it for me? For you? What??
Here is where ego and audience collide. I am currently writing this semi off the top of my head instead of being all “crafty” about writing. I think most of you know what I’m referring to.
As I have changed, my blog has changed. That’s what’s supposed to happen, right? I mean, blogs are a reflection of the blogger. Or so I would think. I have certainly seen blogs evolve as the blogger has gone through life.
While there is a sense of security in an unchanging world, a world without change is one that is not evolving. Change may be scary (I’m not that great at dealing with it) but shaking things up a bit usually works out to be a good thing.
But back to my ego. My ego is constantly seeking approval, validation and World Domination. Yeesh.
Life would be so much more fun if I didn’t worry about what other people were thinking and my source of self came from within.
I’d probably be much more generous because EGO is SELF-ishness.
I am not sure how my life would be without ego. I am thinking that it is my ego that is telling me that I need it to protect myself.
But what I’m really trying to say is that yes, a big part of me writes for me: for the sheer joy of writing as well as for what I hope is validation of my skills as a writer.
A friend told me that my writing has become more friendly and open. He’s been with my blog since the beginning but hey, he’s a friend, right? I think one component of this change has been what I hope has been a releasing of my ego-needs.
There’s a lot of Ego out there. I’m hoping to make my life more of a we-go.
Corny but then only ego would care.
I don’t want my ego to get in the way of my doing good. Last I heard, World Domination or the desire for it wasn’t a good thing.
“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”
-Winston Churchill
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I write when I feel like it and if I’m particularly interested I might also proofread. Psychiatrists probably could (maybe they already are) make a lot of money figuring out why people blog.
All I know is you have 17 posts about bathrooms and toilets, and I think that’s cool.
I’m bearing with you. I’m sticking by. I’m holding on.
Ms. Q you’re scaring me. But I’m sure you know why by now. Hang in there and realize that through writing for yourself your are engaging others. I think I speak for a lot of your readers and can say that once I finish reading one of your posts I walk away with something. Something thought provoking, a good laugh… But something is being shared and embraced and appreciated.
So keep doing what you are doing. You are truly a writer.
I’ve stayed around this long because of you and a few others. At times I feel like I’ve lost my voice. Often times, I didn’t realize I actually had one worth listening to. But with your support I was able to stay on course. So for that, I thank you. I don’t know much about writing. Often, I’ll start a sentence and write a few paragraphs and come back to the pc and just erase it all.
It’s hard when you are hard on yourself.
That ego thing is so true. I won’t talk about it anymore. I think you’ve said it best.
Scary how I never met you in the flesh but your thoughts are a clear reflection of what has been running through my mind.
Keep on keeping on.
the frogster: Your writing is pretty durn hilarious and I love those celebrity interviews! I can’t imagine you’re not proofreading!
I’m glad you think that my having 17 posts about bathrooms and toilets is cool. I figger you’re a bit obsessive about um, elimination, what with your massive stockpile of Toilet Paper.
UT: Yeah, I do have some idea of why I’m scaring you and it IS freaky! In this case I really have no clue as to the connection as I haven’t gotten any clues from your blog!
Thank you for your thoughts (always welcome!) about what your fellow readers might be thinking and thank you for believing in my writing.
I am glad that you are writing, too. I know what you mean about feeling like you’ve lost your voice but sometimes it’s not a loss, it’s just needing a break.
I value your view of a world (the ‘hood) that I have no idea about. You live and experience a life that I just don’t see – yet you manage to see it through a loving view. You also show that not everyone who grows up in The Projects is someone destined to fail or comes from a bad family or has a mom that isn’t loving or that doesn’t have love in their life at all.
What I have found is that writing helps me to organize my thoughts and that when you try to express yourself to others, it forces you to think more clearly about what you have to say and how you feel about whatever it is you want to say.
So don’t be too hard on yourself when it comes to writing. I do hear your voice when I read your blog. I may not know much about what you look like but I do have a sense of who you are. Which is another thing that writing is good in doing – helping the writer discover their voice or their self – at least when it comes to journaling and personal blogs (as opposed to say a news or tech blog).
It is very inneresting how our thoughts run along the same lines at times!
I leave a lot out of my blog. So don’t mind the disconnect. Sometimes I feel like I hit a brick wall when trying to express myself. Certain things never make it onto a published post.
I’m glad you enjoy my voice. It is wonderful to know your audience. I think we’ve shared great experiences. I’m not done yet. I’m working on something that has taken me weeks. It seems as though when it comes down to moms and me telling the story I want to portray it as truthfully as possible without coming off as a momma’s boi.
UT: I know what you mean about it being difficult to write about your relationship with your parents – it’s difficult to show the nuances. For example, I love my parents and like most children, my parents also drive me nuts! Or have me scratching my head at what all they are up to. It’s difficult to remove the expectations I have for my parents and see them as people. But…that’s what family is, right? You treat ‘em differently than everyone else!