Aug 25 2008
Searching For Love
Love is in the air!
But like milk past its expiration date, a few people are giving it a sniff and thinking…hmmm, smells a bit off.
Ricardo, Meleah and Orange Phoenix have been sharing their thoughts on finding love.
Ricardo battles matchmakers and bad dreams.
Meleah ponders loneliness and has a perfect date.
Orange Phoenix manages to keep her sense of humor (and self!) while dudes seem to pop outta nowhere asking her for dates.
I am also on the search for romantic love (I am blessed with lots of other types of love in my life!) but I just don’t write about it. Mainly because there isn’t much to write about.
ANYway, I came across this book at the library: “Profiling Your Date: A smart woman’s guide to evaluating a man” by Caroline Presno.
The cover and blurbs made me think of all those women’s magazines that I avoid (unless I’m in a waiting room) but hey, you never know. It looked like a fun read.
There was some good shtuff in there.
One chapter was titled, “How Do I know When It’s Love?”
It discusses how people think that when it’s real, “You just know.”
Hmm.
What I liked was the scientific approach done by Robert Sternberg. He identifies love as a triangle that consists of passion, intimacy and commitment.
So we have:
Passion: the force behind romance and sex.
Intimacy: a blending of warmth, closeness and feelings of attachment
Commitment: the belief that the relationship is one of love and needs to be sustained and preserved.
According to Sternberg, different combinations of the 3 sides of the triangle will generate different kinds of love.
So let’s look at the combinations (saving the best for last!)
- No Passion + No Intimacy + No Commitment = NO WAY! (Would you mistake this combination for love? Not me!)
- Just Intimacy = You’re “in like” not in love
- Just Passion = INFATUATION (AKA “a crush”)
- Just Commitment = empty love. Maybe it’s need.
- Passion + Intimacy = Romantic Love (Ooohhh…. the combo that gets us into trouble!)
- Intimacy + Commitment = Companion Love (I suspect a whole lotta this is going on)
- Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love (not well thought out, delusional, immature)
- Passion + Intimacy + Commitment = Consummate love (YOWZA!)
“Consummate love, which is the love triangle in its complete form, yields the most fulfilling, rewarding type of love. When both partners experience passion, commitment, and intimacy, it is considered to be the ideal relationship.”
I haven’t forgotten about continuing my series on a very special gift I received. Sometimes special gifts take a long time in the giving. Sharing such a special gift requires me to be in a special place emotionally. I haven’t been able to get to that place in a while but I will.
In the meantime, enjoy this delightful video of the beautiful and talented Meleah!
Coming soon: Looking For Love: The Right Shtuff
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Aw!! Thank you Mrs Q! That was the best date Ive had in YEARS, isn’t that as funny as much as it is a shame?
[...] 22. Mrs Q @ QMusings [...]
Meleah: Your date looked like a lot of fun and it reminds me of a bit of advice I’d read about finding love: sometimes you have difficultly finding love because you’re not in love with yourself. So when you treat yourself with love, cherish yourself and pay loving attention to yourself – “like attracts like” and you’ll be more attractive.
So you glammed up, lit some candles and had a nice time (sure looked like it).
Interesting, I hadn’t thought of the different ways that the parts of love ended up looking like.
Does that mean that you’re going to start including some more personal developments??
Derek: if you’re asking if I’m going to start writing about my love life – nuh-uh! Not that there is anything to write about. But even if there were … although if I got engaged I may post something!!
Yeah. I did have the best time that night taking those photos and getting dressed up and all that jazz.
I think I do I need to work on loving myself MORE to attract a better type of man than I have in my past.
Great post as always, very well thought out. And thank you for shouting out Orange Phoenix. She isn’t the only one going through that love thing (along with everyone else you mentioned). I’m not as open as expressing myself on my own blog but I’ll say that you put a lot of stuff into perspective.
Meleah: You certainly look looked fabulous! I haven’t gone “all out” with dressing up in FOREVAH and I was kinda hoping to at my reunion. But was fine with doing a little black dress. It’s nice to feel gorjus every so often.
I’ve noticed how the type of men I attract (as well as am attracted to) has changed as I’ve changed. You deserve a wonderful man!
I’m working on my own beliefs about myself, that is for durn sure.
UT: Thank you! And OP is one fantastic woman.
Whoa! That was the most simple, concise, and sensible list of love senarios ever compiled. I was reading them and comparing past relationships. hmmmm
It is easy to find one or two components. Hard to find all 3
There is one more very important variable to add to this equation though …. plain old fasioned friendship. Falling in love with your best friend is the holy grail of relationship treasures.
AHOY!!
….. ohhh, I put up a link to Meleah’s You Tube Show as well.
SMOKIN!!!
Speedy!! (part uno): Yeah, I liked that list as well.
I think Intimacy is where we find the friendship – most of us think of intimacy as physical but intimacy is also sharing your thoughts and feelings at a deeper level.
Hmm..but I do see what you mean – friendship adds the emotional support!
Yeah, difficult to find all 3 and I think that’s where the idea of soulmate comes in!
Speedy!! (part dos): Yep, Meleah’s HOT all right! And funny! And talented!
Yes, “friendship” meaning that even if you stripped away the Passion + Intimacy + Commitment, you would still be close.
trays!
& quatro
That sort of reminds me of the Four Loves that the the Christian I was dating was talking about. I think it was CS Lewis. But this “formula” seems a lot more understandable. I think the problem I had with the four was that it seemed so easy to confuse one with the other. It would talk about telling the differences but they still seemed easy to confuse. This one seems much more straightforward.
Speedy!! (1-2-3-4): Yeppers!!
Jill: I haven’t read CS Lewis’ religious or spiritual writings although his Chronicles of Narnia do have a lot of spiritual symbolism. I did read the Chronicles!
I like the simplicity of this explanation of the “parts” of love as well. Easy to remember and easy to draw (the book didn’t have a diagram but I can draw a triangle).