Sue: I like how you phrased that about expectations: “Keep them where they are at, and somebody who CAN meet them will come along.”

alistair: As usual, great advice. Especially, “don`t respond to someone who tells you what to do/feel in a message.”

I’m leery of people telling me how to feel and I try not to invalidate how others feel, either. I mean, it’s what they are experiencing!

Thanks for sharing some of you dating experiences!

“i work out hard, play soccer three times a week and carry 8% body fat and my girlfriend told me she doesn`t care whether i was 30 pounds overweight……and that bothered me when she first said that, but we are in love and i realised that i train and play for me, not her……..and that i responded to her profile without a picture from her…..just her voice on the phone after messaging back and forth about what we cared about most (values…..)”

I recall your workout routine (or some of it) from Ricardo’s blog – yep, you work out hard! I don’t push it but I enjoy running and being fit and I run about 17% bodyfat (according to my Tanita scale) and I’m fairly energetic. So I am attracted to active and fit men. I’ve seen some men who are naturally thin but don’t exercise. Fitness is important to me.

Two years, huh? I haven’t put a serious effort into looking and just started really tweaking the profile and such. If anything, I have have exchanged great emails with some nice men. Some have emailed me just to say hi they liked what I had written and we’ve exchanged dating stories.

Congratulations on celebrating 6 months! That is wonderful!

Ricardo: Hehahaha! “If your profile reads that the man must be a model, loaded, and your sugar daddy and doormat, then I’d say that you need to calm down with all of this. Those are not expectations so much as flashes of stupidity and traits of a gold digger.”

Not even close! I describe myself and in the various checkboxes ask for a match that is a college graduate, employed with any income level. Actually, college degree isn’t a big thing for me but for a criteria, why not?

Ok, I also check the boxes for non-smoking (not negotiable!) and non-fat (fit, slim, athletic) and 36-48 years of age.

Here’s what I wrote for what I am looking for in a man: “You’re someone like me – life may have knocked you around but instead of learning how to blame, you learned compassion. You’re excited about life, you’re passionate, you laugh out loud on a regular basis and you enjoy touch.”

Hmm. Don’t see wanting to lower my standards here.

delmer: you did Match? Or tried? Not me! Mom tried it and I’m waiting to read Ricardo’s experiences!!

I bet your writing ability was complimented! I’ve gotten a few emails that were written like a text message – no capitals and punctuation. I would hope that my profile gives an indication of my intelligence and depth. When I email someone I try to show that I actually read their profile and respond in a similar manner. I may write too much (who knows) as less than a handful of men have responded to my emails in any form. When I get a well-written email I try to respond especially as these are the type of men who would appreciate some feedback.

Ginger: We think alike! I also have begun to view income level as how successful a man was in LIFE as you wrote. Based on my dating experiences, men with higher incomes (or even those who had high incomes but are having to start over) are driven and tend to have higher esteem. Just in general. I am somewhat driven so I’d prefer someone who doesn’t just hang out and wait for life to happen.

Oh, I’d much rather be alone, too! Plus, it’s not fair to “settle” for someone. You should both think you got the best of the deal!!

delmer: hehehe!! Good recovery.

HMTKSteve: Very thoughtful comment – thanks! Also astute regarding how having a close income may be more problematic. I believe you are correct. It’s great that there is someone else that share my thought that expenses should be shared on a ratio basis! I’ve thought the same thing! I figured if I dated someone who say, made half of what I did and I wanted us to fly to Capetown, I should probably pay for half of his expenses or something.

Usually I’ve dated someone who made about what I did. What I find different is that men usually will pay for meals! I will offer to pay half and they will say its on them! I admit I do like this!

But I also try to pay for things if we continue to go out – like he may buy us dinner but then we’ll go out for drinks and I’ll pay for that. Things like that. I had a few dates with a man who made half again what I did (guessing based on his listed income levels) and he paid for most things. But we also went to more high-end places which aren’t my usual choices.

I also realize that just because someone makes more doesn’t necessarily mean they have more expendable income! I have a decent salary but I have a mortgage and various bills plus I help out my mom.

Bad grammar …glad you agree with me! I’m guessing you’re not including those who speak English as a second language!

Great advice! No wonder you’re happily married!!

Speedy!! “I think the man you are looking for will arrive unexpectedly” Sometimes I feel that this will be the case. I think of this online dating stuff as increasing my chances!

Love does not follow logical doctrins, nor what we believe to be true. It follows a path of random flow, from one heart to another. Just as you see a stop sign, he will be waiting in your peripheral vision.

Standards for the heart do not apply, in my opinion. True love sees where the eyes are blind.

My wife and I both made exactly the same money when we met and got married. She stopped working later (after our daughter was born) and I know it bothers her to some degree that she no longer provides income to the family.

To me the amount of income is not nearly as important as the amount of value the other person places on their work. If a prospective partner enjoys their job but does not make a lot of money I can deal with that. It’s when they make a lot of money and don’t enjoy their job that I get worried. I would not want to get involved with someone who does not make a lot (or does) who then decides they can quit the job they hate because I make enough to support us both.

Now, with all of that said I would expect the living expenses not to be split 50/50 between the two people but to be split based on income levels. If one person makes double the money of the other there is a good chance their tastes only cost more (not always) and it would not be fair to make the low income earner pay for this difference. In such a situation I would expect the split to be 66/34. I know that does not sound very Capitalistic but families are Socialist by nature.

If the income disparity is truly huge than the lower income partner could even stop working entirely and devote their time to their partner and family. I know some folks have an ego problem in this regard but if you truly love someone you will put them ahead of your ego.

In the case of bad grammar… Don’t go there.
If the guy is uncomfortable with your larger income than he is insecure and not ready for a woman like you.

Above all remember that it is better to be wanted than to be needed.

Um, “others.”

I do not believe anybody should settle. I would much rather be alone and happy than to be in an unsatisfying relationship and always wonder if I had made the mistake of lowering my expectations just because I couldn’t deal with being alone.