Continuing my post on searching for love.
I’m all for being struck by Cupid’s arrow and love at first sight. This connects to my artistic, creative side.
I also like planning, checklists and maybe a cheat sheet. This ties in with my cautious and scientific side.
We all have some idea of our “perfect mate.” Some characteristics of our perfect mate (eye color, height, taste in music, facial hair) may be optional but others (desire for children, age, personal hygiene) may not be.
In my last post, I mentioned the book, “Profiling Your Date: A smart woman’s guide to evaluating a man” by Caroline Presno.
In one chapter the author describes the Top Ten Characteristics to look for in a man. She explains that the list applies to both men and women but of course, her book is about women looking for Mr. Right.
Her Top Ten Characteristics are based on Maslow’s definition of self-actualized people.
After reading her list, I think they are on MY list of “Must Haves” in my Perfect Mate (brown eyes are optional, intelligence is not)
The Right Shtuff: Top Ten Characteristics of the Self-Actualized Person
- Creative
- Perceptive
- Independent
- Curious
- Warm
- Ethical
- Humble
- Open
- Funny
- Able to enjoy “peak experiences”
Digging into this list….
- Creative: doesn’t have to mean the person is an artist or writer or obviously creative. Creativity means imagination, inventiveness.
- Perceptive: Insightful, able to detect phoniness. Self-actualized people don’t like to play emotional games.
- Independent: Needs some “alone time” - this is not about not needing someone, it’s about needing the “space” for self-reflection, focus and being true to oneself.
- Curious: Likes to ask questions, learn new things, looks at problems from different sides. This person is engaged with the world.
- Warm: affectionate, inviting!
- Ethical: a sense of justice, of fairness, of right and wrong. Is a good person but strives to be a better one.
- Humble: the self-actualized person is comfortable and confident with whom they are. They have no need to brag to bring them up, or degrade to drag others down.
- Open: unashamed of who they are. You’ll feel comfortable around an open person and conversations are usually effortless.
- Funny: Everyone has different things that make them laugh but a self-actualized person will not be funny at the expense of others.
- Able to enjoy “peak experiences”: who doesn’t want to become engrossed and captivated by something? I know I’m touched when I can share that “WOW” with someone.
Based on my own dating experiences, I have a couple of uh, Q-Tips:
Warning sign: your date is an angry driver. I’m not sure if this applies to women drivers but if you’re dating someone who is making snide comments about other drivers and generally gets angry and irritated in traffic…probably an Issue-Laden individual. Actually, snide and critical comments in general are warning signs.
Good sign: your date makes you feel good about yourself, you feel energized being with them. If you begin to feel badly about yourself…watch out! Some people are very subtle about tearing you down. Even if you have doubts about yourself and your worth, your date shouldn’t make you feel worse. There is a difference between a bad date and a date that makes you feel badly about yourself.
Love long and prosper.
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