QMusings

Today’s topic is part of my series on The Fortune Cookie Life.

The fortune of the day, courtesy of the Peking Noodle Co is:

“To Understand A Man’s Mind, Listen To His Words.”

Will following this advice lead to a Good Life?

I saved this fortune years ago. I thought it was a bit silly on several levels:

#1 It seemed so obvious.
#2 Maybe something was lost in the translation?
#3 Appending “in bed” made it a sure-fire keeper.
#4 From a woman’s point of view this seemed ludicrous:

Woman: How was your day?
Man: It was OK.

Of course I had no idea that this is EXACTLY how a man thinks of his day:
If he handled it, it was OK.
If he felt he didn’t, it was bad
and if he could sneak in a round of golf, it was Good

You might want to check out Ear Versus Beer.

ANYway, it’s years later and I’ve recently read Anthony Robbins’ “Awaken The Giant Within.” His chapter on “The Vocabulary Of Ultimate Success” was an eye-opener. He writes, “the words you habitually choose also affect how you communicate with yourself and therefore what you experience.”

I began to pay attention to the words I used as well as those used by others.

About me:

I noticed that I tend to use mild words - words that diminish an experience or feeling. I will say “mighty peeved” as opposed to “enraged” or “furious.” I’ve been incensed - so angry that I can see why people use the phrase, “my blood was boiling” but I people have told me that they had no idea I was so angry; that I sounded calm and even rational. It takes quite a bit to get me that angry which may be due to the fact that I don’t say I’m enraged. I’ll say “irritated”, “annoyed”, or “mad.”

I think my verbal downgrading with respect to anger is good. However, I do the same with positive emotions: “I had a good time”, “It was fun.”

But what if I said, “I had a great time!” or “I was thrilled!” or “It was extraordinary!” My words would carry me to the state described by my words. I would “talk myself into it.”

What do my word choices say about me? If you paid attention, you would get the sense of someone who tries to control her emotions who remains in an emotional steady state. No lows, but no real highs either. I don’t mind the lack of lows, but I’d like to feel more passionate about life so I will try to charge up my life by using charged up words like “radiant”, “awesome”, and “enthralled.”

I am fascinated by words and language so mixing it up a bit with respect to how I express myself has me incredibly stoked!

About others:

What do the sentences below tell you about a person?

1. “I guess I should maybe start to exercise.” [indecisive]
2. “I’ll give it a try…it might be fun.” [lack of confidence/esteem, negative anticipation]

Change a few words and you get:

1. “I must exercise. I will start.”
2. “I’ll do it, it’ll be fun!”

The words people select indicate how they think of things. Two people could have gone through the same situation and by describing it differently, had a different experience.

Situation: Random luggage search by airport security, late flight and then missed connection.

Person 1: The entire trip was a bit of a hassle. First I got selected for one of those random luggage checks - I had to practically repack my bag, then my flight was late which caused me to miss my connecting flight.

Person 2: The trip here was awful. First they picked me for one of those random security check - they rifled through all my belongings so I ended up repacking - then my flight was late and I ended up missing my next flight.

Of course body language, intonation and inflection would give more insight into the 2 people above, but we will disregard these variables and try to figure out what type of people they are by the words they used.

Person 1: downgraded “hassle” with “a bit”. “I got selected” sounds neutral and impassive.

Person 2: “awful”- person really had a bad time. “they picked me” sounds as if the person thinks his selection was not random and he may actually be thinking, “picked on”. “rifled through all my belongings” gives a sense of violation.

Of course we are only seeing a snapshot of each person. We would have to listen and observe a person over time to see if there is a trend.

Do I think today’s fortune will lead a to a good life?

Findings:

- Changing the words we use can change how we feel.
I feel: good, confident, unstoppable, fine, stellar
I feel: dread, overwhelmed, depressed, challenged, furious
- Changing the words can affect how we experience life.
The relationship: failed, didn’t work out, imploded, wasn’t a good match
The situation: is bleak, tragic, a setback, will draw on all my resources

- Paying attention to a person’s choice of words gives you insight into how they think.

Conclusion:

Paying attention to our own choice of words as well as others gives us valuable insight. Changing one word can literally change our world for it can change how we experience life.

What will happen if we follow today’s fortune?

Being able to shift your thinking merely by changing the words you use will be a powerful method to improve your life. You can use words to pump up a good experience to exhilarating and words to make a bad experience a mere nuisance. You would be better able to determine why some people leave you feeling drained and why others energize you. You could use words to energize and inspire others.

I realize that I expanded on the fortune to include self-understanding. I was so excited about the wisdom found in so few words that I was compelled to broaden the scope.

Good Life Rating: TRUE

“The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit. And the habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care. And let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings.”           - Buddha

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