Jan 30 2007
Blame It On The Beer
What do Mickey Mouse and clowns have in common?
You should know the answer by now. They are both Freaky Shit.
That and they both wear big round shoes.
I am not sure what came first, my dislike of Mickey and clowns or my dislike of big round shoes.
Remember clogs? Hate ‘em. I’ve been around long enough to see them go in and out of fashion twice.
Ditto bootcut pants and tie-dyed stuff. How do I know that bootcut pants are out of style? I bought several pairs. As soon I buy a particular style, it is officially out.
Which brings me back in to big round shoes. Specifically, Crocs.
I am sure you’ve seen them. They’re hard to miss. They’re candy-colored, butt-ugly, big, round, perforated, rubber shoes.
They’ll be gone soon. You’ll soon find out why.
Guess what Laverne was wearing when she rushed towards me a the airport? Shorts and lime green Crocs. She’s tall. She’s got long legs.
After I noticed her, my eyes zeroed in on those bright green big round shoes with holes. Luckily, Shirley captured my attention so I didn’t have to fixate on those big round shoes.
Laverne’s lime green Crocs match her what-the-hell and don’t-give-me-no-shit personality.
Laverne says she purchased the color because the saleswoman told her they “matched her eyes.”
Riiiggght.
Then I meet Linda. Linda Eeerrr-lank. She’s Laverne’s sister. She was wearing Crocs. Burgundy Crocs.
Maybe it’s genetic.
All was fine until the following morning. I greet Shirley. What’s with all the screaming? Was that me? Sorry.
Shirley was wearing Crocs. According to the Croc website, the color she sported was sage.
I was outnumbered. Everywhere Ms. Q went the Crocs were sure to follow.
I think they’re butt-ugly but I get used to seeing them. They become acceptable-by-association.
One fine day I’m screaming Yeeeee-hawww! As a speedboat goes airborne. The sun in shining, I’m with 2 people I love and I’m just ready. Ready to laugh out loud.
Laverne wants us to have a beer. I don’t drink beer but what the heck. I’ll have one.
I blame it on the beer.
The sun was shining and it was the gazillionth time I’d see those freakin’ Crocs on my friends.
Crazy ladies even hiked to the top of Lion’s Head wearing them.
We’re at the V&A Waterfront. I look at Laverne, she of the lime green Crocs that match not the color but the wicked glint in her eye.
“Do they sell them here?” I ask, pointing to her shoes.
Her eyes widen. She knows that I think her shoes are butt-ugly.
“Ya.”
“I wanna buy a pair.”
She looks unconvinced but she knows a place. I find myself before a large, portable sales wagon in an open shopping area. Such a stunning array of butt-ugly shoes.
Laverne and Shirley are observing me, much as you would a tap-dancing hamster. It’s…unbelievable.
Shirley tentatively suggests brown or black.
“If I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do it right.” I state.
I point to a bright orange pair. Laverne gets into the spirit and walks over to an adjoining cart. It holds all the kids sizes. She runs up with the largest girls’ size.
They fit. I dunno about this.
I then see a darker orange pair. The saleswoman comes up to us. She’s wearing tie-dye. It’s a sign. She manages to find a Womens’ XS in Sienna. This translates to dark orange.
I am soon the proud owner of Crocs. I immediately put them on.
Yep. Butt-ugly shoes. But I’ve never had so much fun wearing them than with Laverne and Shirley.
If you hate ‘em too, don’t worry. Now that I have them, they won’t be at a store near you.
Cheers!
I don’t think they are that ugly at all and as far as the colors go, i think it’s good to add a little color to life.
Just to make the list more up to date:
-> Laverne’s mother now has 2 pairs
-> Shirley’s mother has a pair
-> 2 people that gym with Laverne has them
-> DR and his wife each have a pair
Hey, Laverne!
It just goes to show you that we can get used to anything. I don’t find the Crocs as ugly as I used to. However, I am pretty sure they are as butt-ugly as ever based on how many people look at my feet when I wear them.
So Shirley’s mom has a pair? She actually went through with it, huh? I could see she was more interested in a pair after she saw me with them on. Seeing the 3 of us with Crocs was probably too much. Especially since I paid over twice as much for the privilege by buying them in Cape Town instead of the US. But it was well worth it, especially during the trip back home. Not to mention being able to write about them. They are comfortable.
Admit it, the are butt-ugly! Every time I saw H, Shirley’s mom, she was wearing nice sandals. What color did she get? We thought the burgundy might work. What about C, Shirley’s dad? He should be next. I think the sage would work for him. He shouldn’t get the same color as H. On the one hand, couple who match each other are kinda sweet. On the other hand, it’s a bit freaky.
What colors did your mom buy? I remember she was borrowing Linda’s pair while they were visiting. I might guess a shade of blue and maybe the burgundy.
DR in Crocs? That’s a sight.
DR: what color did you get? Send photos! Do you and your wife own the same color?? Inquiring minds want to know!
Would a couple matching be “freaky shit”, or merely freaky?
On another note, just what is wrong wth tye-dies?!?!?!?
Obviously, I like tye-dies. I wear them quite often. And loud Hawaiian-style shirts. I just like to make sure folks are awake every so often.
As for sandals, i’ve worn Birks for years. (tan lines too.) I wouldn’t want to think of what kind of tan pattern you’d get with those Crocs. If you ask me, that would be freaky shit.
Hey, Ack - well, I think that matching couples are merely freaky. I take out the “shit” because matching couples are a bit endearing. I’m very independent, so the idea of “becoming one” with a guy enough to want to match him is scary. The idea is Freaky Shit. BUT, the thought that 2 people have become so close that they have no problem with matching, that’s rare. How often do we see that these days? Seeing that…it’s freaky!
You seem a bit defensive about tie-dyes. I never wrote tie-dye was bad. I imply that they are out of style. By “out of style” I mean that I don’t see them being worn by whatever percentage of the US population in certain metropolitan areas determines that a particular item has reached critical mass and is In Style.
Loud Hawaiian shirts are never out of style. They are outside the entire fashion universe. The person wearing one determines their style-worthiness. If worn with intention, confidence and panache, they are in style. Any other attitude, outta style.
You bring up a very good point about the Crocs and tan lines. Seriously Freaky Shit! Wanna hear Freakier Shit? Someone told me that there are these, dunno what they are called, but these decorations you can put into the holes! I gather the decoration is designed like a lapel pin.
Hey! You gave me an idea for a post!
Ah. now I get it. I’ve never been concerned about what’s in style and what’s not. Just what I want to wear, what I want to listen to, etc. Sometimes lots of other people like the same suff. Sometimes they don’t.
Talking about matching reminds me a pair of sisters I saw on a cruise I took before Christmas. They were a couple of years apart, but liked to dress alike. You know - like you see some sets of twins do. IMHO, seriously freaky shit.
Oh, and as for my style-worthiness and Hawaiian shirts, you’ll have to take my word on it. I’ve got the attitude down for wearing them.
A croc update:
My crocs are non-descript black, they are not so ugly that way… The ones I got for my wife are navy blue, but the kind without the holes.
Hers didn’t fit her, so they went to Auntie T for Christmas, who as it turns out just had foot surgery on both feet. These are the only shoes she can wear and she loves them!
I find them extremely comfortable, and I can miles and miles in them, no blisters, no “warm” spots, absolutely perfect. I recently met my brother, his family, and my parents for a mini-family reunion in Florida, and he and his wife went home with a pair of crocs each (theirs are also black, but she got “Caymans,” which are a lower profile croc.)
Note: Disney world sells special “Mickey” crocs with the holes shaped like Mickey Mouse. Now THAT is some freaky shit!
Hey, DR - So you have a black pair. Yeah, I guess that’s as “stealth” as a pair of Crocs can get. I did see the children’s version of Crocs with the Mickey Mouse shaped holes. Yeah, kinda Freaky. But kids can get a away with that. They kids’ version also had mixed colors between the straps and the shoe.
My wife and daughter both have two pairs of these. They offered to buy me some. “They come in men’s sizes too,” my wife told me but I wasn’t buying it…
HMTKSteve: Good for you! Crocs are dignity-stealing perforated and pernicious! OK, there are some that aren’t perforated and they are coming up with new “styles” (oxymoron alert! oxymoron alert!) all the time but YOW, they are like illegal drugs - someone is always pushing them on you and maybe even buying them for you?
WHY? “Because they’ll make you feel sooo goood.”
Guess what? It’s TRUE! Crocs are so comfortable that YOU DON’T CARE how ridiculous you look. Your feet are happy so YOU’RE happy.
You said no. Good for you! I wonder if I can wring a new post outta this…thanks for the idea…