Nov 14 2007
Talking With Strangers - Part II
Middle-Eastern jazz is playing.
I’m sipping my first small glass in my wine “flight.” Eh.
I’ve already read it several times this week but I open up Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life.” The book has heavy, glossy pages and is rich with artwork. Each chapter starts with a wonderful series of affirmations and the one I’ve been working on is “I deserve…”
“I deserve the best, and I accept it now.”
Still working on it…
The guy returns.
“Thanks for watching my stuff.” he tells me.
He’s a boyish looking guy - clean cut, dark hair, and dark eyes, maybe a little younger than I. He’s medium.
“Not a problem, ” I say again. He’s scooting back behind his table, his back to the wall.
“Why’d you offer to help me?” he asks. I’m surprised at his question.
I’m leaning back in my chair.
“You looked harmless, you looked like a nice guy. I could see that the waiter couldn’t really help and hey, if you didn’t return in half an hour, I’d have called security and they’d take all of your stuff and put it in a big metal box.”
He snorts at the idea that his stuff might contain explosives.
I ask, “Why did you ask that question?”
Now he looks surprised. “Oh. I always do when someone helps.”
Guess he’s not used to help. I lean forward and tell him my name. He does the same but reaches across our tables and extends his right hand. I shake it. It’s soft and warm and white.
We go through the “what do you do” skimming of the surface. He’s a Senior National Account Executive (I only recall this because we exchanged business cards). He may a Senior National Account Executive but I figure that’s his job. He seems to like his job but my guess is that like most people, his job is not his passion. I ask him what he likes to do.
“I like making furniture. A friend shows me something in a catalog and I’ll try to reproduce it. It’s fun! I made my daughter’s entire bedroom suite.”
He goes on to tell me that he loves sports fishing. He lives in Florida, which I heard is great for sports fishing.
I know you’re thinking what I’m thinking: sports fishing and woodworking do not for soft hands make. He must be doing more senior-executing these days. I learn that his daughter is 6-years old. He’s not wearing any rings.
I figured he was married. In fact, I figured he was married when I first saw him. I figure you were wondering where all this was leading. This blog is rated G. It’s not going very far! You might be thinking he’s divorced. Nah. I confirmed my intuition when I asked him what his wife did. He told me.
Factoid: I see many married men on the road. A surprising amount of them do not wear rings. In my case, doesn’t matter. Married men seem to give off a vibe. I don’t need to see the ring.
I tell him a bit about myself - that my life is at a crossroad. I tell him that I am making changes in my life so that I could follow my passion.
I believe that people should discover their passion and if they aren’t living it, they should work towards it.
Mr. Senior National Account Executive leans back in his chair. Two low cocktail tables separate us. His eyes look away. I watch him. I watch as he casts his lure towards the sea unsure of what he really hopes to catch. I sense the sigh. He looks back at me.
He says, “Funny you should say that. I’m at a crossroads.” I am not surprised.
We talk about fear. He tells me of fears he has overcome. I tell mine.
We tell each other of how overcoming our fears have enlarged our world.
As he shares his thoughts about what he should do next, I ask, “If you didn’t have any money worries, what would you do?”
He looks at me. “You mean if I had like, oh a million dollars?”
I say, “Enough money that you all your expenses were covered. You had no money worries. None.”
He sinks back and I can see he has an answer. Not many people do. Most people are too busy working to dream. Or they are too afraid to dream.
“I would buy a boat. I’d buy a boat and charter it for sports fishing.”
A smile plays at the corners of his mouth. He’s on that boat. Right now.
I lean forward. I hold his gaze.
“If that is truly your dream, what you really want, you’d make it happen. If that were important to you, you’d make it happen. If you gave yourself a goal to have that in 5 years, you’d make it happen. If that is what you really wanted.”
He looks at me. I wonder if I’m a bit too serious. Maybe all he wanted was to be left alone with his laptop, his Treo, his glass of white wine.
Finally he says, “Would you join me at my table? You’re so far away and there’s all this noise and really, would you join me at my table?”
I do join him and we both order another glass of wine. He puts away his laptop. My 3 mini-glasses are long gone. As we order our wine, I take the waitress’ recommendation of a Washington Syrah. As Mr. Crossroads places his order, he tells her, “Put her glass on my bill.”
I’m surprised. I tell him, “Thanks! But I can expense it.”
He smiles, “Me, too.”
I learn more about him and his family. He wants to “take his career to the next level” and become a CEO and he’s wondering if he should get a second MBA. He’s been wrestling with this decision for a while. I ask if he has a mentor. Perhaps an executive or CEO who he could learn from. I ask if he really needs to get another MBA.
He becomes quieter and more thoughtful. He seems uncomfortable.
He starts gathering his things. It’s time for him to go. He stands up and we shake hands.
I tell him, “Thanks again for the wine.”
He says, “Thanks for the company.”
I’m still in my chair; his hand is still in mine.
“Whatever decision you make, it’ll be the right one.”
He says, “I know.”
I lean back in my chair, open my book and sip my wine.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I love the picture at the end, I had an entirely different picture in my head of your surroundings as I read through your story of personal interaction. It was based on my own word interpretation, and past experience. Same holds true for people.
Your example of intuition, and feeling a vibe of marriage, resonates quite loudly to some. I never have a clue
White soft hands, oh scary. This is another personal evaluation that is probably getting me nowhere, but something about this desciption is not quite positive. You seem to be able to get past that “judging a book by the cover” and realate to someone in a way that broadens your understanding of their feelings and personal make up. That is very commendable MsQ.
At your own crossroads, you do produce the perfect questions, and seem to be well on your way to becoming comfortable with yourself, and heading in a direction that is taking you to “that place” that we all strive to achive. The best laid out plan is the one that follows your heart, not the rules.
Very nice tale. I love how descriptive you are and that you also included a photo! ahahaha. Just as I was picturing it!
Speedy! I try not to get to into the details of my surroundings - I figure ya’ll can fill it in (as you have) and make the story your own. Of course if you had pictured me in some I dunno, biker bar where people do cannonballs off the hoods of Monte Carlos, you would have been transposing images not quite in keeping with the story!
When it comes to the “marriage vibe” it doesn’t seem to matter if the guy is happily married or not. I don’t have much of a “girlfriend vibe” which YOU’D THINK would be similar. Besides, it ’s better to assume the more restrictive case.
Now that I think about it, I’m more comfortable with “involved” men when it comes to talking with them or helping them out. I know there’s no chance (well, little chance) that they think I’m uh, approaching them.
White soft hands bug you? Huh. I usually don’t pay that much attention to hands but his did kind of stand out as they were very soft which made me look and see that they were pale and cushiony. He really was a medium kinda guy - pleasant looking, nothing outstanding about his clothing (I think it was tan slacks and some neutral button down shirt) or his hair. He was mid-sized and looked like he managed to get some exercise.
He shared he overcame a big fear of his - I forget if it was enclosed spaces or heights but what he did was take flying lessons! That would tackle either fear, that is for sure! He also did sky-diving so he may have looked medium but I was surprised at what-all went on in heart of man. It’s stories like his that remind me time and time again that we have no idea what is inside of anyone.
Like you: you look like this big friendly goofball in your blog. And you probably are! But that’s only a part of you.
Sue: You pictured the bar that way? I wasn’t sure how to describe it and I don’t like getting into big details about my surroundings (as I wrote to Speedy) or even about people’s appearance. I’m from the “show-don’t tell” school of writing!
But I did manage to find that photo of the wine-tasting place and thought to edit it a bit. I had no idea I was going to write about this, otherwise I’d have taken my own photo!
Go Ms. Q!
Keep on blessing the masses with your words of wisdom.
I think you may have impacted that mans life more than he would care to admit if someone every asked him, then again, maybe not.
I find that trust is so hard to come by. We’ll trust strangers with our things (articles) and often with our thoughts. But those that are close to us we tend to hold back from (something I thought about while reading your post not necessarily what you post was about, but then again everything has an underlining meaning - sometimes).
Transient relations are rewarding in a sense that you have no real fear of seeing people every again and you can let your heart bleed. But from the looks of things you have exchanged business cards.
I hope to hear a story about a phone call and how you two catch up. Him being a CEO or sport fishing and you working your way past the crossroad.
UT: I would hope that I gave the man something to think. Part of me thinkings it’s conceited to think I can have any affect on anyone but then having a positive effect on the lives of others is what most of us desire, right?
I know that I have had “teachers” in my life. It always makes me think of the saying, “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
I have one friend who’s honesty has been a wakeup call to me. He’s that type of guy and it’s just who he is. Based on what he’s told me, he’s unintentionally become a catalyst for change for others. What happens is they will tell him, “When you said…I realized I need to …”
You are right in that we feel free to reveal ourselves to strangers but not to those who we feel can hurt us. I’m interpreting what you wrote!
I’m not sure if I will hear from him again. I’ve exchanged cards with many interesting people over the years. Only a few have ever exhanged more than a single email. OK. One woman!
I have emailed people in the past with no response and I never ask for anything (networking, business contacts, anything). I also rarely offer my business card. In this case, I was surprised when he took out his card.
I do know he’ll be in Europe for T-day. I wonder if he’ll do the 2nd MBA. My gut is saying that he shouldn’t take that path - but should find a mentor but heck, who knows. From what he described, the MBA was expensive (he mentioned Stanford or Harvard) and he really wanted specific knowledge. Why go through an entire MBA For that?
I may be at the crossroads but I know where I’m going. I just haven’t taken the first BIG step. You could say I’m packing the bags! As well as hauling away what I don’t need (them dang Limiting Beliefs!)
Yes, the “Cannon Ball Biker Bar” is where I see you…. definately!! (laughing)
Oh no that would be ME at the Cannon Ball Biker Bar… KIDDING!! Ok, not really kidding…
Sounds like a nice time Ms.Q! It would be neat if he really did get his boat & you heard back from him!
Speedy! and Jill!
I wish I had the uh, Cannons to be in a Biker Bar but Wine Bar and Crudites (that would be raw veggies served as snacks, NOT vulgarities served up getting ready to be smacked!) are more my style.
But Cannon Ball Biker Bar is less frightening than…Karaoke Night!!
Jill: I can just see you there at the Biker Bar with your BREWED UP motorized beer cooler! Yeeee-haw!
Yeah, that would be really cool if I learned he had achieved whatever dream he had. I’m all for people living up to their potential and attaining their dreams!