I get off the train and walk towards work.

I watch Mr. Brown head off in the opposite direction – his hair blowing in a somewhat triangular formation in his self-created breeze. He walks quickly with a slightly splay footed gait.

I see him at least once a week and he’s always wearing jeans, a polo shirt and a tan windbreaker.

Other people are rushing by, streaming out of the trains.

Today is a lovely day. The sun is burning off the clouds and the scent of jasmine rises up from the warming earth.

I hear birds singing and I watch the crows dart overhead.

As the sun shines upon my face I think about people who have had a near-death experience – how they see a tunnel of light and they want to head towards it. But then they decide to turn back because maybe their work here on earth is not done or someone needs them.

A common reaction to their near-death experience is greater empathy, a lessened fear of death and a greater appreciation of life. One woman I read about said that so much of what stresses other people doesn’t bother her because she knows that when it comes right down to it, most of what we stress about is not all that important.

I’ve watch Mr. Brown scurrying off the past couple of months, head bent, brows furrowed. He never looks around and avoids eye contact.

Rush-rush-rush.

Don’t wait until you have a near-death experience to appreciate the life you have.

Don’t have a near-life experience.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Today’s topic is part of my series on The Fortune Cookie Life.

The fortune of the day, courtesy of the Peking Noodle Co is:

“To Understand A Man’s Mind, Listen To His Words.”

Will following this advice lead to a Good Life?

I saved this fortune years ago. I thought it was a bit silly on several levels:

#1 It seemed so obvious.
#2 Maybe something was lost in the translation?
#3 Appending “in bed” made it a sure-fire keeper.
#4 From a woman’s point of view this seemed ludicrous:

Woman: How was your day?
Man: It was OK.

Of course I had no idea that this is EXACTLY how a man thinks of his day:
If he handled it, it was OK.
If he felt he didn’t, it was bad
and if he could sneak in a round of golf, it was Good

You might want to check out Ear Versus Beer.

ANYway, it’s years later and I’ve recently read Anthony Robbins’ “Awaken The Giant Within.” His chapter on “The Vocabulary Of Ultimate Success” was an eye-opener. He writes, “the words you habitually choose also affect how you communicate with yourself and therefore what you experience.”

I began to pay attention to the words I used as well as those used by others.

About me:

I noticed that I tend to use mild words – words that diminish an experience or feeling. I will say “mighty peeved” as opposed to “enraged” or “furious.” I’ve been incensed – so angry that I can see why people use the phrase, “my blood was boiling” but I people have told me that they had no idea I was so angry; that I sounded calm and even rational. It takes quite a bit to get me that angry which may be due to the fact that I don’t say I’m enraged. I’ll say “irritated”, “annoyed”, or “mad.”

I think my verbal downgrading with respect to anger is good. However, I do the same with positive emotions: “I had a good time”, “It was fun.”

But what if I said, “I had a great time!” or “I was thrilled!” or “It was extraordinary!” My words would carry me to the state described by my words. I would “talk myself into it.”

What do my word choices say about me? If you paid attention, you would get the sense of someone who tries to control her emotions who remains in an emotional steady state. No lows, but no real highs either. I don’t mind the lack of lows, but I’d like to feel more passionate about life so I will try to charge up my life by using charged up words like “radiant”, “awesome”, and “enthralled.”

I am fascinated by words and language so mixing it up a bit with respect to how I express myself has me incredibly stoked!

About others:

What do the sentences below tell you about a person?

1. “I guess I should maybe start to exercise.” [indecisive]
2. “I’ll give it a try…it might be fun.” [lack of confidence/esteem, negative anticipation]

Change a few words and you get:

1. “I must exercise. I will start.”
2. “I’ll do it, it’ll be fun!”

The words people select indicate how they think of things. Two people could have gone through the same situation and by describing it differently, had a different experience.

Situation: Random luggage search by airport security, late flight and then missed connection.

Person 1: The entire trip was a bit of a hassle. First I got selected for one of those random luggage checks – I had to practically repack my bag, then my flight was late which caused me to miss my connecting flight.

Person 2: The trip here was awful. First they picked me for one of those random security check – they rifled through all my belongings so I ended up repacking – then my flight was late and I ended up missing my next flight.

Of course body language, intonation and inflection would give more insight into the 2 people above, but we will disregard these variables and try to figure out what type of people they are by the words they used.

Person 1: downgraded “hassle” with “a bit”. “I got selected” sounds neutral and impassive.

Person 2: “awful”- person really had a bad time. “they picked me” sounds as if the person thinks his selection was not random and he may actually be thinking, “picked on”. “rifled through all my belongings” gives a sense of violation.

Of course we are only seeing a snapshot of each person. We would have to listen and observe a person over time to see if there is a trend.

Do I think today’s fortune will lead a to a good life?

Findings:

- Changing the words we use can change how we feel.
I feel: good, confident, unstoppable, fine, stellar
I feel: dread, overwhelmed, depressed, challenged, furious
- Changing the words can affect how we experience life.
The relationship: failed, didn’t work out, imploded, wasn’t a good match
The situation: is bleak, tragic, a setback, will draw on all my resources

- Paying attention to a person’s choice of words gives you insight into how they think.

Conclusion:

Paying attention to our own choice of words as well as others gives us valuable insight. Changing one word can literally change our world for it can change how we experience life.

What will happen if we follow today’s fortune?

Being able to shift your thinking merely by changing the words you use will be a powerful method to improve your life. You can use words to pump up a good experience to exhilarating and words to make a bad experience a mere nuisance. You would be better able to determine why some people leave you feeling drained and why others energize you. You could use words to energize and inspire others.

I realize that I expanded on the fortune to include self-understanding. I was so excited about the wisdom found in so few words that I was compelled to broaden the scope.

Good Life Rating: TRUE

“The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit. And the habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care. And let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings.”           – Buddha

A short while ago I wondered if living life by the fortunes found in fortune cookies would be a Good Life. I wrote that every so often I would write about a fortune and discuss it. dietrologia commented that the fortune he received that day was:

“We can learn from everyone, especially from our enemies.”

dietrologia’s fortune sounds like a great place to start.

dietrologia wondered, “Is this learning in general knowledge or do we gain more in the way of self-knowledge?”

By their very nature, fortunes must be imprecise and broad, and therefore open to interpretation. That is, “One size fits all.”

Keeping that in mind, I would say that the knowledge that can be gained from everyone would be of all types:

General: The sciences – Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry, Botany …
Practical: How To’s – Tie your shoes, Install a dimmer switch, Use Chopsticks
Self: Oh. So THAT’S why I look for love in all the wrong places. Shoot.
Obscure: Dietrologia – the science of what lies behind; Slime molds are half fungus and half bacteria.

Notice the wording: We CAN learn from everyone, not WILL.

This implies choice. This implies that we must decide to learn.

What good will be added to our lives if we decide that everyone has something to teach us? Remember, it is our choice, our decision.

We will begin to pay attention to what people have to say. This will make us better listeners. As we pay more attention to the words, we will also begin to observe their actions.

If we believe that everyone has something to teach us, we will have to be OPEN to whatever lessons they may give us. Being open would require withholding judgment. As soon as we begin to judge, we would lessen our ability to listen and therefore learn.

Would we learn especially more from our enemy?

If we define an enemy as someone who does not like us or wishes us ill, they are viewing us with a desire to harm us in some way. In order to harm us, they would be looking for weaknesses. If we observe the manner in which they attack us, we would gain an insight into what our weaknesses, or perceived weaknesses, are.

The fact that we have an enemy could give us self-knowledge; that is, is there something in us that has created an enemy?

Do I think today’s fortune will lead a to a good life?

Findings:

- We first decide that we can learn from everyone.
- We then become better listeners in order to hear the lesson.
- We let go of judgment in order to be open to all possible lessons.
- We begin to pay attention because lessons are not always told, sometimes they are observed. I am sure “Actions speak louder than words.” is in a fortune cookie somewhere.

Conclusion:

Once you’re open to the lessons that everyone can teach you, you will have more information. With more information, you will have more choices. With more choices, you may find better solutions to a problem or see an opportunity that may improve your life.

Do I think that I will learn even more from an enemy?

Findings:

- Enemies attack perceived weaknesses. We observe what they are focusing on and strengthen them.
- Why are they our enemy? What is it about their lives and who we are makes them want to injure us?
- Is there something in us that creates enemies?

Conclusion:

Enemies hold a different mirror up to us. If we look into their mirror, we can see aspects of ourselves that we may not have known or have refused to acknowledge. With this knowledge we can change. Making this change would give us greater protection from enemies or perhaps change an enemy into a friend. This type of change can be very profound. We would have learned an especially valuable lesson.

What will happen if we follow today’s fortune?

We will become:

1) Better listeners.
2) More observant.
2) Less judgmental.
3) Open to more ideas.

We will have:

1) More choices
2) More information
3) Fewer weaknesses

Good Life Rating: TRUE

With respect to dietrologia’s favorite fortune: “You will soon blame something on the dog.”

Good Life Rating: It Depends. Depends on the blame, depends on the dog. I suspect this will rate as FALSE.

Question for readers: I’d love to hear what lessons you have learned from people. Have you ever learned something from someone you least expected to?

I have this habit of keeping interesting fortunes from the fortune cookies Chinese restaurants give out after a meal.

I keep them in this small square jar with a corked lid.

The fortunes aren’t all interesting per se – some I’ve kept because they work well with the “in bed” trick.

I am sure you’re familiar with it.

For example:

“Share your abundant humor with others at this time. They need it. [In bed]”
“Your dearest wish will come true. [In bed]”
“An unexpected event will soon make your life more exciting. [In bed]”
“If at first you do succeed… try something harder. [In bed]”

Got the idea?

There are variations on this – some people append, “between the sheets” or “with a battle axe, ” the latter choice creating some really bizarre fortunes.

While they are called “Fortune Cookies” I get a mix between fortunes, statements, words of wisdom and pure advice as in: “Don’t do drug.”

I wondered what specific drug I wasn’t supposed to do.

I laugh as much as the next person over fake “Confucius says…” quotations like, “Man who fart in church sit in his own pew.”

It’s difficult to take wisdom dispensed in a cookie all that seriously.

But like gold being in them thar hills, there are nuggets of wisdom in them thar fortune cookies.

In his book, “Truth Vs. Falsehood: How to Tell the Difference,” Dr. David R. Hawkins mentions how a “fortune cookie life is a good life,” and fortunes calibrate as “true” within his framework of calibrating Truth. If you believe in his framework, then what he is saying is that there is truth to be found in a fortune and living by those truths would lead to a good life.

What I thought would be an interesting experiment is to discuss the wisdom found in fortune cookies. Would living a Fortune Cookie Life be a good life?

Keep watch for your Fortune Cookie!

All fortunes guaranteed genuine first quality!