Words of wisdom can be found in the unlikeliest of places.

Prior to getting poked with holes number 2 (Tetanus) and 3 (H1N1 Vaccine), I sat on top of the exam room table wearing a blue paper gown.

If you’re not sick, waiting in an exam room is pretty boring. If you’re wearing a paper gown, it goes from boring to tedious.

A magazine lay nearby so I reached over to pick it up.  I ignored the wandering thought of how many other near-naked and possible sick people touched it before me.

It was a magazine by WebMD and what caught my eye was the tagline, “The magazine designed specifically for the waiting room.”

Talk about a target audience!

A starlet was on the cover. So far, nothing different than most waiting room fare.

I flip through the table of contents and come across an article about happiness.

I read about how people seem to have a “happiness set point.”  I’d come across the concept before.  The theory is that each person is born with a built in level of happiness.  For any given event, a person will return to their happiness point.

Let’s say the event is winning millions of dollars.

For a person who tends to be upbeat and happy – they’ll experience a spike in happiness or happy feelings but after a while, return to their baseline.

For a person who tends to be morose, they too will experience a happy spike but after some time, the usual dark thoughts will bring them down.

Now let’s take those same two people and have them experience something awful like becoming paralyzed. The tend-to-be-happy person will go through a very low period in their life but at some point, they will rebound. If the glass-is-always empty person became paralyzed, they would also  sink to an emotional low point but at some point, they would recover.

How many of you know someone who you suspect will never be happy? I’ve met a few – something great happens and they feel great.  Some time goes by and back they are complaining. I’ve also known people who have a talent for happiness.

So here I am wearing a paper gown sitting atop an exam table reading the words, “Happiness is not a destination.”

It’s true. I’ve thought I’d be happier if I made more money, lost weight, went to the prom, and had a boyfriend. Was I any happier after I had or did any of those things? Momentarily.

It wasn’t until I realized that most of what made me happy was how I thought about things. That’s when I decided that I’d rather focus on what was good in my life than what was bad; I’d rather be happy with what I had in my life than be unhappy with what I lacked.

I realized that if I continued to believe that happiness was a destination, I wasn’t going to get “there.”

Lately I’ve been feeling like I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. I’ve started to fall into the trap that happiness was later, that my happiness was deferred.

I needed to be reminded that happiness is not a destination, it’s a decision.

If we decide to, we can find happiness right here and even while wearing a blue paper gown.

Especially while wearing a blue paper gown!

If you’re interested in reading the article, I found the online version here.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Throughout my life I’ve heard reports on my mom’s aging process.

One thing that has remained constant is her belief that that the younger you are, the juicier you are. Therefore, you dry up as you get older.

She has this idea that we start life as grapes and end up as raisins.

She would point out various parts of her body to illustrate her point. One favorite form of “proof” is comparing her hands to mine: the bones on the back of her hand protrude more,  therefore she is more “dried up” than I.

She says, “Look! All the meat is shriveling, that’s why my bones are showing.”

I’m not quite sure how to respond to that.

She says, “You know why older woman have a fuzzy face?”

I say, “I think it’s due to some kind of hormonal change.”

She says, “They are drying up! What happens is that their skin is shrinking so the hairs look longer!”

I say, “Hmmm.”

There is a strange appeal to her juicy/young, dry/old, grape/raisin logic.

The logical side of me is thinking about the aging process: cellular breakdown, loss of collagen, and sun damage.

The creative and emotional side of me thinks that drying up is a good enough explanation of aging as I’ve seen.

You start out as a grape and you slowly dry out until you’re a raisin. Any attempts to make to retain your youthfulness are really attempts to add “juice.”

Mom points out how celebrities add fillers like collagen injections to look juicy. They are trying to plump out the raisin.

Appealing as mom’s logic is, it also drives me a bit nuts.

I don’t want to view aging as a process of drying out. We’re not supposed to be grapes forever.

Besides, how many people do you know who look young but are all dried up inside? And what about all those “old folks” who are full o’ juice?

What makes a person juicy?

• A positive attitude.
• Creativity.
• Curiosity.
• A sense of humor, an appreciation of the absurd.
• Self-acceptance

Dorothy Parker said, “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

There is truth to that statement.

Most people worry about the skin and not so much about what is within.

Anne Lamott said, “Joy is the best makeup.”

I know I’ll become a raisin.  But I hope to remain juicy.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So sayeth my mom.

“Beauty is like social currency, the more you have, and the more popular you are.”

My mom was quite the hottie in her day.  She’s still pretty cute but when she was younger?

Dang.

My mom is like most attractive women – she feels her worth it tied to her looks: the prettier you are, the more you are worth.

Beauty fades.

My mom is struggling with aging.

But it’s more than the aches and pains that she struggles with, it’s her feeling that she’s no longer attractive.

Aging ain’t pretty: the body slows down, the skin sags, and parts start to break down.

When beauty is your currency, you’re going to run out of cash.

Mom feels poor and there’s nothing I can do to make her feel rich.

She thrusts out her arms, showing me the back of her hands. Her hands are slender and traced with pale green veins, the fingers slightly bent from arthritis.

“Look at this! All dried up!” she tells me.

“I’m no longer juicy, ” she says, pointing to the delicate bones in her hand.

“Young folks are juicy. When you’re young you’re a grape. When you’re old, you’re a raisin.”

According to mom, it’s better to be juicy; life is good as a grape.

My mom is creative and funny and observant and oddly wise.

She drives me nuts and I love her.

Beauty comes at a cost and yet we all want to pay the price.

I admit – it’s easier to be rich than it is to be poor.

At 44, I’m not as juicy as I used to be.

I don’t want to be poor and I struggle with my loss of social currency.

But I also realize it’s only money.

If beauty if only skin deep, then loving yourself seems the better investment.

Loving yourself goes down to the soul.

What better way to be rich?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Which isn’t to say I’m not having any fun, that I’m not kicking back occasionally, it’s just that there is always something that I have to do.

We all seem to have this mental “To Do” list that never goes away.

There’s the Do Right Now List: fill up the gas tank, pack lunch for the kids, Yikes! Rent’s due!

Then there’s the Get To It Soon List: Change the oil, return a phone call, make a dentist’s appointment and mow the lawn.

There’s the Should Do This List: Write a will, plan for retirement, exercise, eat more vegetables, spend more time with the family, remove the clutter, and recycle.

The Nobody But Us Thinks We Should Do This List: Catalog Grandpa’s 38 years of newspaper clippings, return the library book that somehow was packed up when you moved out of state 3 years ago, restore your deceased aunt’s 1971 Pinto to its former glory.

The Why Is This Always On the List of Things To Do List: Taxes, organize the closet, clean the refrigerator.

There always seems to be something that we have to do. If we don’t have to do it now, we have to do it soon.

The thing with soon is that sooner or later, it becomes Now.

I hear so many people say that they need more time to “catch up.”

Why do so many of us feel slightly guilty or lazy for enjoying some Free Time?

Why do so many of us feel we have To Do something with our time?

Free Time is Free to do anything time – it’s all open, unplanned, I could do 15 things or nothing at all.

I could use a little more Free Time.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Click here to view the embedded video.

What is respect?

We’ve heard Rodney Dangerfield’s complaint that he gets none.

We’ve heard Aretha Franklin ask for some.

There are so many types of respect.

I feel that the most basic form is that of, “I honor your being.”

This concept is captured in namaste.

In yoga, namaste is said to mean, “The light within me honors the light within you,”

Respect can be based on hierarchy – who’s higher on the food chain, the Alpha Dog, The Big Boss, the one who has power.

That feels less like respect and more like fear.

I thought about respect because I heard a story. This story was about someone high up in his corporate food chain.

Let’s call him a Big Boss.

People lower on the food chain had been working on a Big Deal.

The Big Deal was nearing an important deadline. As the deadline loomed, all the Minnows and Mice realized that they needed some help. The Big Deal looked like it might fall through.  They asked for an extension but were too small to be heard.

They needed someone Bigger. Someone who got more respect.

The Minnows and the Mice call upon the Big Boss.

When the Big Boss heard their plea, he was not happy.

He said, “This is a Big Deal! WE are a Big Deal! WE are a BIG customer!”

The Mice and the Minnows watched as the Big Boss swelled even bigger as he used his Big Voice to make threats.

“How dare this other company tell us no? How dare they tell us that they won’t extend the deadline?”

The Minnows and Mice were surprised. They had a good relationship with the Squirrels and Sparrows from the other company. All they wanted was for the Big Boss to have a chat with the other Big Boss.

As the Big Boss grumbled and rumbled, the Minnows and Mice worked frantically, calling for help from a Blackbird and a Newt.

The Big Boss continued to swell and roar.

The Big Boss was also a New Boss. Unfortunately, New Bosses have a tendency to swell.

With the help of the Blackbird and Newt, the Minnows and Mice were able to meet the deadline.

All the small woodland creatures were happy!

Minnows, Mice, Sparrows and Squirrels…happy-happy-happy!

The Big Boss was swollen with ire.

He demanded that the Squirrels and Sparrows respect his Bigness.

The squirrels and Sparrows bowed low to the Big Boss since that is what he demanded.

The Mice and Minnows watched and felt sad.

They felt sad because they learned that their Big Boss was small inside.

Yeah, we all just want a little respect.

Just a little bit, just a little bit.

When you meet someone, remember their light.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .