Throughout my life I’ve heard reports on my mom’s aging process.

One thing that has remained constant is her belief that that the younger you are, the juicier you are. Therefore, you dry up as you get older.

She has this idea that we start life as grapes and end up as raisins.

She would point out various parts of her body to illustrate her point. One favorite form of “proof” is comparing her hands to mine: the bones on the back of her hand protrude more,  therefore she is more “dried up” than I.

She says, “Look! All the meat is shriveling, that’s why my bones are showing.”

I’m not quite sure how to respond to that.

She says, “You know why older woman have a fuzzy face?”

I say, “I think it’s due to some kind of hormonal change.”

She says, “They are drying up! What happens is that their skin is shrinking so the hairs look longer!”

I say, “Hmmm.”

There is a strange appeal to her juicy/young, dry/old, grape/raisin logic.

The logical side of me is thinking about the aging process: cellular breakdown, loss of collagen, and sun damage.

The creative and emotional side of me thinks that drying up is a good enough explanation of aging as I’ve seen.

You start out as a grape and you slowly dry out until you’re a raisin. Any attempts to make to retain your youthfulness are really attempts to add “juice.”

Mom points out how celebrities add fillers like collagen injections to look juicy. They are trying to plump out the raisin.

Appealing as mom’s logic is, it also drives me a bit nuts.

I don’t want to view aging as a process of drying out. We’re not supposed to be grapes forever.

Besides, how many people do you know who look young but are all dried up inside? And what about all those “old folks” who are full o’ juice?

What makes a person juicy?

• A positive attitude.
• Creativity.
• Curiosity.
• A sense of humor, an appreciation of the absurd.
• Self-acceptance

Dorothy Parker said, “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

There is truth to that statement.

Most people worry about the skin and not so much about what is within.

Anne Lamott said, “Joy is the best makeup.”

I know I’ll become a raisin.  But I hope to remain juicy.
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So sayeth my mom.

“Beauty is like social currency, the more you have, and the more popular you are.”

My mom was quite the hottie in her day.  She’s still pretty cute but when she was younger?

Dang.

My mom is like most attractive women – she feels her worth it tied to her looks: the prettier you are, the more you are worth.

Beauty fades.

My mom is struggling with aging.

But it’s more than the aches and pains that she struggles with, it’s her feeling that she’s no longer attractive.

Aging ain’t pretty: the body slows down, the skin sags, and parts start to break down.

When beauty is your currency, you’re going to run out of cash.

Mom feels poor and there’s nothing I can do to make her feel rich.

She thrusts out her arms, showing me the back of her hands. Her hands are slender and traced with pale green veins, the fingers slightly bent from arthritis.

“Look at this! All dried up!” she tells me.

“I’m no longer juicy, ” she says, pointing to the delicate bones in her hand.

“Young folks are juicy. When you’re young you’re a grape. When you’re old, you’re a raisin.”

According to mom, it’s better to be juicy; life is good as a grape.

My mom is creative and funny and observant and oddly wise.

She drives me nuts and I love her.

Beauty comes at a cost and yet we all want to pay the price.

I admit – it’s easier to be rich than it is to be poor.

At 44, I’m not as juicy as I used to be.

I don’t want to be poor and I struggle with my loss of social currency.

But I also realize it’s only money.

If beauty if only skin deep, then loving yourself seems the better investment.

Loving yourself goes down to the soul.

What better way to be rich?

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What is respect?

We’ve heard Rodney Dangerfield’s complaint that he gets none.

We’ve heard Aretha Franklin ask for some.

There are so many types of respect.

I feel that the most basic form is that of, “I honor your being.”

This concept is captured in namaste.

In yoga, namaste is said to mean, “The light within me honors the light within you,”

Respect can be based on hierarchy – who’s higher on the food chain, the Alpha Dog, The Big Boss, the one who has power.

That feels less like respect and more like fear.

I thought about respect because I heard a story. This story was about someone high up in his corporate food chain.

Let’s call him a Big Boss.

People lower on the food chain had been working on a Big Deal.

The Big Deal was nearing an important deadline. As the deadline loomed, all the Minnows and Mice realized that they needed some help. The Big Deal looked like it might fall through.  They asked for an extension but were too small to be heard.

They needed someone Bigger. Someone who got more respect.

The Minnows and the Mice call upon the Big Boss.

When the Big Boss heard their plea, he was not happy.

He said, “This is a Big Deal! WE are a Big Deal! WE are a BIG customer!”

The Mice and the Minnows watched as the Big Boss swelled even bigger as he used his Big Voice to make threats.

“How dare this other company tell us no? How dare they tell us that they won’t extend the deadline?”

The Minnows and Mice were surprised. They had a good relationship with the Squirrels and Sparrows from the other company. All they wanted was for the Big Boss to have a chat with the other Big Boss.

As the Big Boss grumbled and rumbled, the Minnows and Mice worked frantically, calling for help from a Blackbird and a Newt.

The Big Boss continued to swell and roar.

The Big Boss was also a New Boss. Unfortunately, New Bosses have a tendency to swell.

With the help of the Blackbird and Newt, the Minnows and Mice were able to meet the deadline.

All the small woodland creatures were happy!

Minnows, Mice, Sparrows and Squirrels…happy-happy-happy!

The Big Boss was swollen with ire.

He demanded that the Squirrels and Sparrows respect his Bigness.

The squirrels and Sparrows bowed low to the Big Boss since that is what he demanded.

The Mice and Minnows watched and felt sad.

They felt sad because they learned that their Big Boss was small inside.

Yeah, we all just want a little respect.

Just a little bit, just a little bit.

When you meet someone, remember their light.
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What I don’t like are compliments at the expense of others.

I was told, “You’re not boring like everyone else.”

It made me take another look at the person giving me the compliment.

So…I’m not boring. Unlike everyone else.

Boring.

Uninteresting.

Not worth paying attention to.

Boring.

Things that have been called boring:

• History
• Math
• Paint drying
• Geography
• Assorted places
• Assorted celebrities
• Dirt
• Cement

For any one thing that is deemed boring, someone else out there finds it fascinating.

I’m not so sure about paint drying but there is probably some chemist out there who studies the drying times of paint to make better or faster drying paint and maybe knows which colors dry faster than others.

So what is boring, exactly?

Boring is in the eyes of the bored.

I’m lucky – I don’t bore easily. Waiting in line, stuck in traffic, not bored. OK, so I do find repetitive tasks like data entry boring. But people? I usually don’t find people boring.

What kind of compliment gives to you and takes away from others?

It’s the kind of compliment that makes we wince.

“You’re not boring like everyone else.”

I’ve probably made the same type of compliment myself. In fact, I’m sure I have.

But I hope I’ve outgrown that habit.

I feel that when you give someone a compliment and add “like/unlike everyone else” what you’re really saying is that you don’t like everyone else.

For anyone who’s ever called someone “boring as rocks” hasn’t met my friends Spot and Rusty.

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I hadn’t even thought about this, not really, not as it pertained to my heart.

But it did get me thinking about “players” and who they are in the world of dating.

Players. A term I’ve only heard associated with men. I’m sure there are women players but there’s probably another word and it’s probably derogatory. Not that player is all that great a term but it does have a bit of bad-boy heart breaker allure to it.

Players. Men who just want to play, play with your body, toy with your heart and in the end, it’s usually the woman who isn’t having any fun.

But what about men who are up front, honest about what they want, state in their online dating profile that they’re looking for some…action.

Are they players?

I don’t think so. In my mind, they aren’t playing – they aren’t playing games. They aren’t saying they are available, they aren’t promising that there is anything more that mutual physical pleasure, they aren’t lying.

They state what they want and what they are willing to give and they leave it up to the woman to decide.

I’ve heard that such men receive angry emails. I don’t see wasting my time sending them (or anyone) some angry email.

Save your anger for the man who takes off his wedding ring and asks you out.

Sure it may feel insulting to be asked for nothing but sex but no one is leading anyone anywhere. You can simply walk away.

So no, I don’t think men who state that all they want is to play…players. They aren’t playing with a woman’s heart. It’s up to her to decide if she’s in the game.

Now, a woman may play her own (mind) games, convincing herself that she may be the woman to change the man’s heart.

Uh..huh.

My advice would be save some time: skip the heartbreak, buy a pint or 3 of your favorite ice cream and eat it directly out of the carton until nothing is left.

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