Click here to view the embedded video.

What is respect?

We’ve heard Rodney Dangerfield’s complaint that he gets none.

We’ve heard Aretha Franklin ask for some.

There are so many types of respect.

I feel that the most basic form is that of, “I honor your being.”

This concept is captured in namaste.

In yoga, namaste is said to mean, “The light within me honors the light within you,”

Respect can be based on hierarchy – who’s higher on the food chain, the Alpha Dog, The Big Boss, the one who has power.

That feels less like respect and more like fear.

I thought about respect because I heard a story. This story was about someone high up in his corporate food chain.

Let’s call him a Big Boss.

People lower on the food chain had been working on a Big Deal.

The Big Deal was nearing an important deadline. As the deadline loomed, all the Minnows and Mice realized that they needed some help. The Big Deal looked like it might fall through.  They asked for an extension but were too small to be heard.

They needed someone Bigger. Someone who got more respect.

The Minnows and the Mice call upon the Big Boss.

When the Big Boss heard their plea, he was not happy.

He said, “This is a Big Deal! WE are a Big Deal! WE are a BIG customer!”

The Mice and the Minnows watched as the Big Boss swelled even bigger as he used his Big Voice to make threats.

“How dare this other company tell us no? How dare they tell us that they won’t extend the deadline?”

The Minnows and Mice were surprised. They had a good relationship with the Squirrels and Sparrows from the other company. All they wanted was for the Big Boss to have a chat with the other Big Boss.

As the Big Boss grumbled and rumbled, the Minnows and Mice worked frantically, calling for help from a Blackbird and a Newt.

The Big Boss continued to swell and roar.

The Big Boss was also a New Boss. Unfortunately, New Bosses have a tendency to swell.

With the help of the Blackbird and Newt, the Minnows and Mice were able to meet the deadline.

All the small woodland creatures were happy!

Minnows, Mice, Sparrows and Squirrels…happy-happy-happy!

The Big Boss was swollen with ire.

He demanded that the Squirrels and Sparrows respect his Bigness.

The squirrels and Sparrows bowed low to the Big Boss since that is what he demanded.

The Mice and Minnows watched and felt sad.

They felt sad because they learned that their Big Boss was small inside.

Yeah, we all just want a little respect.

Just a little bit, just a little bit.

When you meet someone, remember their light.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This hasn’t changed.

This weakness recently came to mind when I was asked, “What type of man do you like?”

The question was asked during a bit of fun Girl Talk.

Yeah, big surprise, huh? Ms. Q, she who writes about relationships, personal growth and love.

Serious Stuff.

Except for when I write about bathrooms. But we won’t go there.

Anyway, I was asked what type of man I like.

Since this was in the context of Girl Talk I knew the question was about appearance and not substance.

I share that I am drawn towards tall lean men with dark hair and darker eyes. In true Girl Talk mode, we both laugh and she tells me her “type.”

I then say, “But that’s just my type…what I am drawn to.”

She nods.

I continue, “Actually, I really haven’t dated my type all that much.”

“Really?”

“What has happened to me is I’ll get to know a man, learn about him, find out who he is, and if I like who he is, he’ll become my type.”

Tall, short, bearded, bald, blue eyes, brown eyes, skinny, slightly overweight…

So sure, I like tall lean men with sculpted shoulders, dark curly hair and a devilish smile.

Rather, I am drawn to such men.

I see with entirely different eyes men I like and men I love.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Many wish it were otherwise, probably deny it. I suspect that denying this need is a denial of self.

What?

We all have a need to love and be loved.

Yet.

You can really like yourself.
You can know that you are worthy.
You can feel that you are wonderful.
You can even love yourself.

And.

You may know yourself to be beautiful.
You may look in the mirror and love what you see.

But.

You long to look into another’s eyes and see love’s reflection.

Why…

Is loving yourself not enough?

Because…

No matter how much we love ourselves,
Loving someone and having that loved returned.
It’s more than a reflection.
It’s a celebration.

.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I shy away from cooking Big Meat. Big Meat is intimidating.  Whole turkeys. Roast beef. Prime rib. Pot roast. Rack of lamb. Ham. Anything with a big bone sticking out of it.

I have done meatloaf. But that’s just forming lots of small meat into bigger meat.

That year I called up my mom to talk about what I was going to cook.  Mom has particular tastes – not spicy, not sour, not tart. She likes simple: sweet or salty, moist over dry.

She’s my food antithesis.

I’m describing what I plan to stuff the turkey with and she says, “I don’t like bread stuffing.”

“You don’t? I thought you did.”

“No. Nuh-uh. I like sticky rice.”

“Sticky rice?”

“Yeah. I loooove sticky rice.”

At the time I had no idea how to cook sticky rice or more specifically, Chinese Sticky rice, a very tasty dish with dried Chinese sausage, slivers of mushrooms, tiny dried shrimp, maybe some onions.

Most Chinese do this sticky rice instead of bread stuffing. So I searched for recipes and emailed friends and relatives who I thought may know how to cook this.

“And I don’t like pumpkin pie.”

“You don’t? But I’ve seen you eat it.”

“Only if there’s nothing else and there’s whipped cream.”

“Oh.”

“And turkey…it’s okay. Just that it’s kinda dry. Needs gravy.”

When I call up her brother he says, “Don’t really care all that much for pumpkin pie.”

Turkey was nice, my sticky rice was not too bad and my uncle and mom left with lots of leftovers.

Last year I skipped the whole turkey thing and went straight for the favored sticky rice paired with my no-fail Bourbon chicken dish.

This year I’ve decided to skip the whole bird thing and go straight for my Traditional Thanksgiving Spaghetti.

As my uncle said when I invited him, “It’s all about the family.”

So this Thanksgiving, mom, my uncle and I will be passing the Parmesan.

How about you?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What I don’t like are compliments at the expense of others.

I was told, “You’re not boring like everyone else.”

It made me take another look at the person giving me the compliment.

So…I’m not boring. Unlike everyone else.

Boring.

Uninteresting.

Not worth paying attention to.

Boring.

Things that have been called boring:

• History
• Math
• Paint drying
• Geography
• Assorted places
• Assorted celebrities
• Dirt
• Cement

For any one thing that is deemed boring, someone else out there finds it fascinating.

I’m not so sure about paint drying but there is probably some chemist out there who studies the drying times of paint to make better or faster drying paint and maybe knows which colors dry faster than others.

So what is boring, exactly?

Boring is in the eyes of the bored.

I’m lucky – I don’t bore easily. Waiting in line, stuck in traffic, not bored. OK, so I do find repetitive tasks like data entry boring. But people? I usually don’t find people boring.

What kind of compliment gives to you and takes away from others?

It’s the kind of compliment that makes we wince.

“You’re not boring like everyone else.”

I’ve probably made the same type of compliment myself. In fact, I’m sure I have.

But I hope I’ve outgrown that habit.

I feel that when you give someone a compliment and add “like/unlike everyone else” what you’re really saying is that you don’t like everyone else.

For anyone who’s ever called someone “boring as rocks” hasn’t met my friends Spot and Rusty.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .