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What is respect?

We’ve heard Rodney Dangerfield’s complaint that he gets none.

We’ve heard Aretha Franklin ask for some.

There are so many types of respect.

I feel that the most basic form is that of, “I honor your being.”

This concept is captured in namaste.

In yoga, namaste is said to mean, “The light within me honors the light within you,”

Respect can be based on hierarchy – who’s higher on the food chain, the Alpha Dog, The Big Boss, the one who has power.

That feels less like respect and more like fear.

I thought about respect because I heard a story. This story was about someone high up in his corporate food chain.

Let’s call him a Big Boss.

People lower on the food chain had been working on a Big Deal.

The Big Deal was nearing an important deadline. As the deadline loomed, all the Minnows and Mice realized that they needed some help. The Big Deal looked like it might fall through.  They asked for an extension but were too small to be heard.

They needed someone Bigger. Someone who got more respect.

The Minnows and the Mice call upon the Big Boss.

When the Big Boss heard their plea, he was not happy.

He said, “This is a Big Deal! WE are a Big Deal! WE are a BIG customer!”

The Mice and the Minnows watched as the Big Boss swelled even bigger as he used his Big Voice to make threats.

“How dare this other company tell us no? How dare they tell us that they won’t extend the deadline?”

The Minnows and Mice were surprised. They had a good relationship with the Squirrels and Sparrows from the other company. All they wanted was for the Big Boss to have a chat with the other Big Boss.

As the Big Boss grumbled and rumbled, the Minnows and Mice worked frantically, calling for help from a Blackbird and a Newt.

The Big Boss continued to swell and roar.

The Big Boss was also a New Boss. Unfortunately, New Bosses have a tendency to swell.

With the help of the Blackbird and Newt, the Minnows and Mice were able to meet the deadline.

All the small woodland creatures were happy!

Minnows, Mice, Sparrows and Squirrels…happy-happy-happy!

The Big Boss was swollen with ire.

He demanded that the Squirrels and Sparrows respect his Bigness.

The squirrels and Sparrows bowed low to the Big Boss since that is what he demanded.

The Mice and Minnows watched and felt sad.

They felt sad because they learned that their Big Boss was small inside.

Yeah, we all just want a little respect.

Just a little bit, just a little bit.

When you meet someone, remember their light.
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Jingle Bells, Winter Wonderland, chestnuts roasting, nothing stirring…

I haven’t had a Christmas tree in years but I recall the glittery twinkly tinsely wonder I had at the Christmas tree we put up when I was a kid.

A REAL tree.

With REAL tinsel (almost like aluminum foil) that mom saved (neatly) year after year.

Dad would buy a Silver Tip tree from some corner lot and out would come the multi-colored miniature lights and the fragile glass ornaments.

Now that I think about it, we didn’t have much money but dad would buy this pricey real tree and I’m not sure how he managed it.

Christmas was great for me. Mom loved dressing me up which was part fun and part torture. The fun part was knowing I looked just adorable in my little velvet dress, white tights and black patent Mary Janes.

The torture was the endless photos of me being told to look adorable.

I’d really load up during Christmas – I got lots of cash in those little red envelopes as well as toys and of course the less favored clothing.

What I didn’t like was getting Barbie. She seemed very odd to me. So of course I bended her every whichway. I was more of a stuffed animal person, heavy on the stuffed rabbits.

I would count up the presents and I’d have over 20!! Nothing like having a gazillion relatives, doting grandparents and the adorable thing going on.

Don’t let kids fool you – they know dang well when they are adorable, especially the girls. I was a much better flirt then than I am now.

I was more of a kid during Christmas than at any time of year – I got more attention, I had more wonder and more hope that good things were coming. The aftermath of saving the wrapping paper and the tinsel and carefully storing everything wasn’t so much fun but wearing my Dr. Dentons and skidding around the hardwood floors in those footed PJs…total kidshtuff!

Christmas songs make me smile.

So my collection of Christmas music is out and you know what that means …

Podcast alert!!

Are you ready for a sing-along??  A little Christmas caroling?

It’s been a while since I’ve uh, sung so whaddya think?

Any requests?

Or maybe you’re thinking …

“Please…no singing…I promise I’ll be good…”

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Now…I’m not really a reunion person. Well, I should clarify that I’m not a High School Reunion person. High school wasn’t the best time of my life.

Yeah it was during my “formative years” but what formed out of high school was a young woman with a nice GPA, little esteem and no clue about what she was going to do next.

This state lasted for a while. Except for maybe the GPA when I quit going to college. Now that I think about it again, GPAs stick with you for life. At least that’s how most people seem to look at them.

People will crow, “I was a straight A student all through college” or “Yeah, you’d never think a C student would become CEO…”

In case you’re wondering at what all I looked like 25 years ago, here’s me back when I was Miss Q:

I also went to my 5th high school reunion. Having a 5th seemed a bit bizarre but I went and it was mainly because I had felt I had changed (new! improved!) a bit since people had last seen me.

I skipped all the other reunions because the few people I’d really want to see again were not reunion types. Plus, I was out of town or had any number of excuses.

News of the 25th reunion comes up and this time around I though, well… a little revisiting of the past might not be a bad thing.

I show up in the little black dress I wore at a cousin’s wedding. I wasn’t sure what to wear and asked one of the reunion planners. I didn’t look out of place at all.

I get a nametag that includes my yearbook photo. Good idea. I see semi-familiar faces and most people seem relaxed and more than willing to laugh at not remembering anyone.

• One woman looked like she hadn’t aged. It was freaky. She was Indian with great bone structure.
• Most people looked like older versions of themselves.
• Some people gained weight.
• Some lost weight.
• One woman lost a LOT of weight.

One woman came up to me and said, “Do you remember me?”

When I said that no…she was vaguely familiar but no…I didn’t really recall her…

She then pointed to one of the group shots from the past and when I peered at it asked again, “Now do you remember me? I hung out with X and Y?”

She didn’t say X and Y but the photo I saw had a group of 3 women striking a feathered hair pose. Still no big AHA for me.

I said hi to one guy with a shaved head. He was very white with light coloring so I wasn’t sure if he had actually shaved his head or had gone through chemo. I recalled liking him. I told him so.

He said, “You liked me? Why?”

I said, “I dunno. I don’t even recall what classes we had together. I just have a good feeling about you and recall thinking you were a nice guy.”

He said, “Really? Huh. I was just thinking that if I had met myself – who I was back then – I would be thinking that I was a little sh*t.”

I said, “I don’t remember that. I just know that I felt warmly towards you.”

He said, “Good to know that I wasn’t all bad back then.”

He also told me that he had gone to the 20th and this reunion was nicer because it was more like a reunion where people caught up. The 20 was a big party with an open bar and everyone getting..happy.

I shared a table with some people I had hung out with. That was nice. They were nice folks then, are still nice folks. I didn’t know the guy who sat next to me so I asked, “Who are you now?” I thought it was a better question than, “What are you doing now?” and he seemed like someone I could ask.

He said, “I’m not so in my head anymore. I used to be so…in my head. I’ve been working on being more out of my head.”

I knew what he meant.

I danced. People had been drinking so the party mood increased as the night wore on.

As I was dancing, the woman who had hung out with X and Y spun around on the dance floor and when she spotted me, broke into a boozy smile and headed towards me. We all continued to dance and she thrust her head towards me to the beat of the music and asked, “SO DO YOU REMEMBER ME NOW??”

I had to tell her that I couldn’t.

The guy I was dancing with shrugged. He couldn’t recall her either.

What I liked was that the few people I really spoke with seemed genuinely happy and it was less about what they did but about who they were.

Except for the woman who kept asking, “Do you remember me NOW?”

The professional photographers at the reunion took the above photo.

I found it … freaky that the pose and hairstyle looked very similar to my yearbook photo. Those of you who’ve kept up with my blog know that I have had a different hairstyle since high school!

In case you are wondering, yes, I’ve always been quite…pale.

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I’ve had to get used to getting up early again. Yow! I also have to get used to … commuting.

I haven’t had to commute in a very long time. Well, what I had to do was hop on a plane on Sunday so I guess you could say I did a week’s worth of commuting in one go.

I’m now the newbie of the group. Fresh start!

Everyone has been very welcoming, lots of smiling and joking around and offers of help.

My manager wanted me to be near the rest of the team but there isn’t any space near them. My office building is “almost at capacity” meaning that they couldn’t find a regular office to put me so they assigned me to a temporary space.

Yes, we get offices instead of cubicles. Managers get windows; regular folks like me get interior offices.

Right now I’m in a corner so I have windows on 2 sides. I have a large space. I have a large OPEN space. My teammates aren’t too keen on my space since it’s set up for administrative assistants.

They say, “You don’t want an ADMIN space.”

One teammate asked, “Will you get me coffee?”

They obviously like me – they are already giving me a hard time.

Speaking of coffee, my building is so large we have several kitchens. One kitchen had tall air pots for coffee. The first couple of days I was getting coffee from that. It was tasty but not as strong as I would like.

I then noticed a different kitchen with regular coffee pots.

There were Post It Notes stuck to the pots with the day of the week and “2 cups” which puzzled me. I wasn’t sure if this meant 2 cups were left or what. I looked around and saw the posted instructions on how to make the coffee. The instructions said to use 1.5 cups of coffee.

Aaaaah! These pots were made using 2 cups of coffee. I poured myself a cup. STRONG.

I was getting my coffee from the Admin Kitchen.

Now I get my coffee from the Engineering Kitchen. Software engineers, Web Developers, Integration Analysts, Infrastructure Support…they like their coffee STRONG.

It’s good to be back.
………………………………………….

The judge asks me, “What is the nature of your hardship?”

I’d heard one man tell her that he had multiple sclerosis. One woman was 8 months pregnant. One guy had tickets to Singapore.

I was a bit nervous – would the judge think that I would endure hardship serving on her case…or would I be merely inconvenienced in her eyes?

I had sworn under oath to tell the truth. I reminded myself that the judge had been sympathetic, fair and firm. My voice cracks a bit.

“I’ve been unemployed since early December,” I begin.

“But I found another job! But it starts next Monday, February 11th and I’d really like to start work. My future employer knows about the jury duty but since I’m not working for them yet, well, I won’t be paid for going to jury duty.”

The judge looks at me. I feel like I’m about 10 years old. I’ve told my story and it’s the truth.

She says, “Return to the jury assembly room to see if you can get on another panel, perhaps serve on a shorter trial.”

I say, “Thank you!”

I return to the jury assembly room. The young Chinese woman who started the video earlier is now behind the counter. I tell her that I’m back to see if I can serve on another jury.

She takes my summons and scans the barcode into the computer. She types, she moves the mouse around.

With a small smile she says, “No more jurors are needed for the morning trials. You can either take your certificate stating you have completed your jury duty for the year or you can wait until 2pm to see if you can serve on an afternoon trial.”

I look at her. I ask, “Is that a trick question?”

She is busy looking at the monitor with that small smile and now I’m smiling as well. She says, “Some people want to serve so they wait.”

I tell her, “I’ll take the certificate.”

She says, “OK” and hands me a slip of paper.

YIPPEEEE!!!

I have done my jury duty for the year and I am available to work on Monday!!!

YES!! I have a job! I will be starting on Monday!!

YIPPEEEE!!

How did I find my job?

Well, it wasn’t all the workshops. I found my job with good old-fashioned networking and karma.

I hadn’t even intentionally networked to find my job. A friend and former coworker had heard it through the grapevine that I had been laid off. He told his manager who was also a former coworker. His manager tells him to request my resume. I send in my resume and there’s a bit of back and forth. I finally have panel interviews with the team leads and I liked them all just as I expected to. And they liked me!

Now, here’s where the karma comes in. I believe that if you do a job well and you treat people with respect, life will reward you. I also believe in being sincere and not using people. I never try to network for networking’s sake. I do business with people I like. I stay in touch with people because I like them, not for what they can do for me. No one likes being used or being called just when someone needs something from them.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have gotten this job. When I was asked for my resume I knew that if all went well, I’d be working with a great set of people because that’s the type of team my friend’s manager would create. Everyone I have met has lived up to my expectation that they would be…just great.

I am very excited about my new job! Great people, a new challenge, no traveling (time to find a boyfriend!) and of course….

No more workshops!

Life is great and it just keeps getting better.

Thank you all for your supportive comments while I was unemployed. I really appreciate your kind wishes and thoughts. You’ve all been so terrific to me! If you were here, there’d be a whole lotta hugging going on. And for those who are inclined…the wine, it would be a-flowing! Cheers!

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