QMusings

Have you ever said, “I don’t like her, but I respect her.”

What is respect?

We’ve heard Rodney Dangerfield’s complaint that he gets none.

We’ve heard Aretha Franklin ask for some.

There are so many types of respect.

I feel that the most basic form is that of, “I honor your being.”

This concept is captured in namaste.

In yoga, namaste is said to mean, “The light within me honors the light within you,”

Respect can be based on hierarchy – who’s higher on the food chain, the Alpha Dog, The Big Boss, the one who has power.

That feels less like respect and more like fear.

I thought about respect because I heard a story. This story was about someone high up in his corporate food chain.

Let’s call him a Big Boss.

People lower on the food chain had been working on a Big Deal.

The Big Deal was nearing an important deadline. As the deadline loomed, all the Minnows and Mice realized that they needed some help. The Big Deal looked like it might fall through.  They asked for an extension but were too small to be heard.

They needed someone Bigger. Someone who got more respect.

The Minnows and the Mice call upon the Big Boss.

When the Big Boss heard their plea, he was not happy.

He said, “This is a Big Deal! WE are a Big Deal! WE are a BIG customer!”

The Mice and the Minnows watched as the Big Boss swelled even bigger as he used his Big Voice to make threats.

“How dare this other company tell us no? How dare they tell us that they won’t extend the deadline?”

The Minnows and Mice were surprised. They had a good relationship with the Squirrels and Sparrows from the other company. All they wanted was for the Big Boss to have a chat with the other Big Boss.

As the Big Boss grumbled and rumbled, the Minnows and Mice worked frantically, calling for help from a Blackbird and a Newt.

The Big Boss continued to swell and roar.

The Big Boss was also a New Boss. Unfortunately, New Bosses have a tendency to swell.

With the help of the Blackbird and Newt, the Minnows and Mice were able to meet the deadline.

All the small woodland creatures were happy!

Minnows, Mice, Sparrows and Squirrels…happy-happy-happy!

The Big Boss was swollen with ire.

He demanded that the Squirrels and Sparrows respect his Bigness.

The squirrels and Sparrows bowed low to the Big Boss since that is what he demanded.

The Mice and Minnows watched and felt sad.

They felt sad because they learned that their Big Boss was small inside.

Yeah, we all just want a little respect.

Just a little bit, just a little bit.

When you meet someone, remember their light.
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I’ve had the unusual experience of being on the other side of the desk when it comes to a job interview.

Within the tech industry, the team interview is the norm: Various people from a team or perhaps several teams, participate in the interview process.

I’ve always been the job candidate – I was the one who had to be all bright and shiny and personable and prove to people that I’m someone they want to hire.

Recently, I’ve had to participate in interviewing several contractors. It may not seem like it, but companies want to find reasons to hire someone, not look for things they don’t like about a candidate.

It’s a lot like online dating – you are hoping against hope that the first date will be the start of a wonderful relationship and not just lead back to the painful search process.

I read the resumes and made some notes. Then my team and me had a conference call with the candidates. If we liked their phone interview, we had them come on site.

Since I was part of a group and not interviewing the candidate one-on-one, I was able to observe more.

One candidate was a perfect fit with respect to skills. However, he had this habit of interrupting people when they spoke and in one case, repeatedly did not let a co-worker complete his thought.

I really liked the candidate’s experience. We all did. What I didn’t like was watching my teammate struggle to ask a question. To add to our frustration was the fact that when we finally managed to ask our question, the candidate would not quite answer our question then expound.

Think about that first date:

Who wants to go out on a date and have the other person regale you with all his greatness?
Who wants to be with someone who isn’t interested in finding out what is important to you?

After the candidate left we all compared notes. We felt like the candidate could do the job but we weren’t too sure if he’d do the job we wanted. Especially if he wasn’t listening to what we had to say.

We interviewed another candidate a week later. The resume was chock-full o’ typos and grammatical errors. The person was not a perfect fit but he listened and he succinctly answered our questions. He only expounded when asked.

This confirmed what I had always suspected: A great resume doesn’t mean a great candidate.

And I learned yet again how valuable the art of listening is.

I’ve heard that a for a job applicant, one sign an interview is going well is if the interviewer is doing most of the talking.

Based on my experience, there may be some truth to this.

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Another year has gone by.

I have a few more gray hairs, I’ve probably added to my collection of laugh lines and my freckles? Well…I call ‘em freckles and not AGE SPOTS ‘cuz freckles are way more fun and if anything, I’m chock full o’ fun!!

Speaking of fun, I’ve been having a lot more of it. Life is too short to not have fun.

I didn’t have much fun when I was younger. I was too busy being RESPONSIBLE and MATURE FOR MY AGE.

Bleeeccch. I also worried and planned and observed life instead of living it.

I went out for lunch with a coworker one fine day. He took the top off his convertible and took us the long way back to work. We played a bit of hookey.

It was FUN!

As we got back to work, I said, “That was so much fun. You’re really fun.”

He said, “Wow. Thanks! That is a great compliment.”

He’s in his mid-fifties and walks with a spring in his step and a twinkle in his eye.

I’m gonna follow his example and have lots of fun!

It’s a great way to stay young.

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